Well, it was an interesting election, I’ll say that much. We had almost 100 votes at the end of the night, and what a night of surprises and twists it was! Not really. Despite the outspoken support for Thrall over Garrosh amongst the fans or the lavish love of fans for the bodacious banshee, Sylvanas Windrunner, every single time one candidate pushed ahead, every other candidate scaled with them. After a month of the polls being open, the standings were surprisingly roughly the same as when they where at the end of day one. I don’t think the percentages ultimately changed that much, if at all. Though I was shocked, down right amazed, that Garrosh did manage to squeeze out a whole 8 votes. I was expecting Knaak to even beat him out. Who knew?
So who came out on top? Is it really that hard to guess? Well, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your new warchief:
<Thank you! Thank you all. I am proud and honored to be called upon by the people to accept such a task. What stands in front of us is a momentous challenge and it will not be easy. The elemental invasion has left us trembling where we once stood our strongest: at home. Deathwing has turned this home sweet home into a desperate brew of sour, and when it comes to living out our lives in this new shattered world, no blend of sweet and sour shall satiate our palettes! Sadly, our children, mere nuggets of future potential,may have to go without the luxury of sauce for the moment.>
<However, through these trials and tribulations: we shall not boil over, we shall not dry out and wither, and despite what the Aspect of Death may wish to see – We shall not burn! Our crust may crack, but we have the strength to mend it. The fruits of our past labors may have been spoiled, but we have the discipline to grow more. We are the Horde, ladies and gentlemen. We do not cry in our milk, we do not fall like a bad souffle, we have the guts to take this humble pie and turn it into a cake worthy of a king!
<Speaking of kings, you should know that I have already begun works to assemble a cabinet to work with King Wrynn and the members of the Alliance to mix together the beginnings of a stew of peace. But whatever the fate of that stew, whether it becomes strong and flavorful or left alone to sour in our ice boxes – we shall make the effort again and again. Politics, like cooking, requires time and the patience to try over and over until you obtain success. Now I ask you, citizens of the Horde, CAN WE COOK IT?>
Well, thank you Warchief Campfire. That was a very motivational speech. We look forward to seeing what you do with all your endeavors! And there you have it, readers at home. The new warchief – Basic Campfire – as voted by you. Will he succeed? Will he fail? Will Garrosh just push him off the throne and take it himself because hey, it’s not like basic campfire has any means to fight back other burning him if touched. But honestly, how likely is that last one to happen? Ha ha ha…
EDITORS NOTE: Following the writing of this report after last night’s inauguration speech, Garrosh Hellscream stormed into the throne, threw Basic Campfire off the throne, murmured something about ‘Over his dead body’ and then something about Grom Hellscream, and then proceeded to sit on the throne himself. While technically it should be noted that there was a heavy scent of various liquors on Garrosh’s breath, he did successfully defeat the Warchief in combat, thus making him the new Warchief via a small loophole in the Horde’s charter called ‘The Metzen Clause’ which states that Horde politics are “subject to change on the spot regardless of how some idiot with a blog says they should work.”
When questioned about Garrosh’s drinking habits at the Orgrimmar Bar, local Gamon stated: “Dudes, it totally was NOT my idea. I would never suggest assassinating the warchief and taking the throne for yourself. I would never tell Garrosh about the Metzen Clause because of resentment over players who sit around killing me all day and night choosing the elect a bunch of logs as warchief. And I had no clue he was going to take me seriously about it.”
Well, I guess this mystery won’t be solved any time soon.
This is it folks. The whole enchilada. The very last installment of the Warchief Election Debates. Starting tomorrow (10/12/10) while the servers go down for maintenence and Patch 4.0.1 graces us with it’s presence, a new page will be added here at OddCraft. On that page, you will be able to vote for your choice of who will be the new warchief. But that is what’s ahead of us. Right now, we have the two final candidates who as of yet haven’t had a chance to speak to each other this entire election. Two behemoths of Orc-dom. The Warchief incumbent and voice of peace… THRALL, SON OF DUROTAN! And at the left podium, an orc whose reputation far surpasses his approval ratings (which are quite low), GARROSH HELLSCREAM! Our sponsor for this evening is… oh wow! It’s the Gnomeregan Institute for Advanced Robot Gnowledge! That’s a nice change of pace. Some good guys! Granted, wrong faction, but who cares!
Now both of you know how this works. I say a question and you two argue about it until I ask another one. We like to keep it completely informal and without any sense of structure, because those are the things that make real debates so damn boring so people vote for whoever has the best hair. Since neither of you have very flattering haircuts, we’ll have to stick to the issues. Any questions before we begin?
GARROSH: Why is a human moderating these debates?
Bite me. That’s why. Any other questions? No? Good. Let’s get to it shall we. Our first question tonight actually comes from Miss Anexxia, who originally asked this specifically for Garrosh, but since Thrall also was beat in the polls by Basic Campfire, I’m asking both of you:
QUESTION: How does it feel to know your constituents would prefer a pile of sticks to you?
GARROSH: I won’t lie. It’s a bit insulting. To imagine that those flaming logs were be preferred over someone who can actually move from spot without a shovel or a wagon. I can see the alure to some. After all, I am not well liked because of my policy that the best defense is a good offense. They would rather see the Horde do nothing than defend our lands against intruders in order to eliminate “unnecesary bloodshed.” To those people I ask them this. Have they ever aided the Outriders in the battles for Ashenvale? Did they ever pledge their allegience to the Frostwolf in order to claim territory in the Alterac Mountains? Did they not spill Alliance blood in the name of the Forsaken or the defense of Durotar? Can you really say that if the Alliance were to arrive at the gates of Orgrimmar you would stand and do nothing like the sticks? Or would you be like me, and stand and defend your people and your land? Kill those who threaten you and yours? That is all that I can say about that.
THRALL: There is such a thing as diplomacy, Garrosh. Speaking with the Alliance and determining a course of action that is mutually beneficially to both sides.
GARROSH: I’ll remind of you of that the next time I see Alliance filth riding around on one of their black war bears. I’m sure that process was mutually beneficial to both sides.
THRALL: Regardless, the fact that the Horde would rather see Basic Campfire as the new warchief is not an insult. It is a testiment to the Horde’s attitude of self reliance. Why else would they want a warchief that is physically incapable of doing anything, if the people themselves did not feel fit to do everything themselves. I’m proud to know that the Horde knows that it can be strong enough to act and work without a warchief leading the way. It shows how far we’ve come.
GARROSH: Perhaps they’ve learned they have to do everything on their own because their current warchief would rather sit and have tea with the enemy than see his people protected from those who would see them dead. You can’t keep harboring this infantile dream from the end of the Third War, Thrall. The Alliance wants us gone and dead. Proudmoore’s promise can’t hold them back forever, and what will the Horde do on that day? Try to negotiate for our lives like dogs? Stand there and let them snuff us out like pouring water on a flame? We will need someone who can hold the line, and that pile of twigs isn’t it.
QUESTION: The world is constantly changing, sometimes in ways that no one can even predict, how will you help the Horde deal with change?
THRALL: A question like that is best reserved for a far seer or a sage, but I will answer as I can. Change is a force that nothing can stop, not the Alliance, nor the Horde. It requires patience, and a willingness to loosen the reigns and let the ebb and flow of destiny steer the way. I did not want to take up the Doomhammer when it was first thrust upon me. I had not anticipated Orgrim’s death. But they happened, and when the time came I donned the armor and chose to lead my people. The spirits have, if nothing else, taught me the patience to stand back and look at the world as it is and what it might be, and act from that vantage point.
GARROSH: Spoken like a human, Thrall. Weak and whimpering in the ‘awe’ of it all instead of acknowledging the opportunity that has appeared. Change is a force that nothing can stop in deed, but it can be steered. One should not loosen the reigns just as the chance for glory makes itself known. But it requires the strength and the determination to bring change in line with what is needed. Strength that my opponents all lack. When it comes down to it, they’d prefer to discuss, to plan, to plot – none of them have the will to take action! I am sick of looking at the cowardice that has befallen the Horde’s leadership. Even the Queen of the Dead shuffles blame to a rogue agent, acting as if she knew nothing of the plague that she ordered the creation of. Change is opportunity. Plain and simple. The Horde needs a leader that is willing to seize that opportunity and embrace it for the glory of the Horde, not simply hope the bones roll in our favor.
THRALL: The audacity! Garrosh, one cannot be so reckless with the lives of so many! If one does not look before they leap –
GARROSH: What, Thrall? They might miss the chance for victory? I would expect as much from a warchief who sits on his throne while his subjects spill blood for the Horde. A warchief who wastes the lives of many a soldier who died in glorious battle by denying that such a battle ever occured in the name of some false truce. I’ll never know how you live with your pathetic human moralities.
THRALL: Garrosh! Hold your tongue. You forget yourself!
GARROSH: On the contrary, I know exactly who I am. I am the Son of Grom Hellscream, legendary hero of the Horde, the orc that freed us all from the bloodlust!
THRALL: AND THE ONE WHO SOLD THE ORCS BACK INTO SLAVERY IN THE FIRST PLACE!
GARROSH: How dare you!
THRALL: Never forget that it was your father’s “seizing the opportunity” that chained the Warsong clan to Mannoroth’s blood during the Third War. Your father redeemed himself, Garrosh. But would you repeat the same mistakes? What demon will you drink the blood of Garrosh? Anger? War? How many will suffer for your redemption?! Your father yielded leadership to me BECAUSE of his lust for power.
GARROSH: You never spoke of my father this way!
THRALL: You were depressed. The Mag’har needed you. What was I going to say? “Sorry your father screwed us so bad, I guess he kinda made up for it like this. Hope you don’t screw up as much”? Yes, I’m sure that would have helped you immensely. Your father was a great orc, Hellscream, but he was also a thick headed idiot at times. I owe him my life, and the lives of my clansmen, and for that, I helped you. But if I see you following his shadow, Garrosh, I will not hesitate to call the earth to swallow you whole.
GARROSH: I… You… But… Father…
In an unorthodox move, provoked by this somewhat sensational turn of events (and my love of juicy tabloid drama), I’m going to forgo the last question I have here and make this one simple.
QUESTION: Why do you think you’d make a good warchief?
THRALL: I would like to say that it is my willingness – No, my eagerness, to hold my values above all else. That the Horde must not be tainted by past mistakes if we are ever to move forward in this world and that I would like to lead them there. Perhaps I am too optimistic. Perhaps I am performing a fool’s errand. But some days it feels as if the world itself is about to tear apart, and I am the only one who can see it. A warchief must serve more than just his people, he must serve all people. The world needs healing: the fire burns deep, the water swirls angrily, the air blows, and the earth cracks. I want to be there for my people and all people to heal the scars of war and hate. Though perhaps I am too late to do so.
GARROSH: Suddenly, I am unsure. Through out my time in Northrend I have felt my father’s ghost at my back, urging to me to be great. To save the Horde from weakness as he did. Perhaps I overdid it. Perhaps I fought a monster that was never there. But if nothing else, I know where my allegiance lies. For all that I am, I am for the Horde. Victory or death and nothing less. As warchief I pledge myself to the Horde completely, and I will do everything within my power to protect the people of the Horde. I will spill the blood of my enemies for the Horde, and I will spill my own to see the Horde reach its destined place in this new world. I am not perfect, I can’t say that in the least. But I don’t think any of my opponents could claim perfection either. But I am willing to lay down my life to protect my people. That I can claim.
THRALL: That was good, Garrosh. Your father…
GARROSH: Do not praise me, Thrall. I am not your pet. I am an orc of the Horde. Our fates lie in their hands now.
Well, that’s it folks. If that didn’t get your blood pumping, I don’t know what will. The Voting Booth will be open tomorrow during patch day, and will stay open until patch 4.0.3, so remember to vote and remind your friends to vote too! We’re determining the future of the Horde after all. The voting page will have a link to all of our previous articles about the Once again our sponsor for this historic final event was the Gnomeregan Institute for Advanced Robotic Gnowledge. “After our 2 week crash course you’ll be building mechs in your sleep, but still can’t spell worth a damn” Well, that’s honest advertising if nothing else. Have a fun time tonight, Garrosh?
GARROSH: I will end you, Human!
I am just not a people person I guess. Ta ta for now folks! See you at the voting booth tomorrow!
Welcome one and all to our penultimate debate for the season! That’s right folks, we have two showdowns of verbal mastery left and then it’s time to cast those votes and we’ll see who will be the new warchief! Tonight we have two of our front runners, the Dark Lady Sylvanas Windrunner and the cooking sensation Basic Campfire! These two were fiercely battling in the polls, and we’ve all been looking forward to this debate.
However, since we fired Executus last time, we needed a new translator for Firespeak, so we decided to preform a horrific ritual and resurrected Hydross the Unstable… what? He’s bilingual. Anyway, this debate is sponsored by… /sigh… The Nefarian Academy of Draconic Genetic Engineering And Evil Liberal Arts. This is starting to get ridiculous. Let’s get on with it this, so I can get paid and then use said currency to get completely drunk so I can forget this all…
QUESTION: You are both ‘outsiders’ in your own right to the Horde, what do you think your unique view can bring to the position of Warchief?
BASIC CAMPFIRE <Translated from FireSpeak>: <An outsider as in the context that we are not orcs?>
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <What about Richard Knaak?>
I don’t think any cares if Richard is an outsider or not.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <But…>
SYLVANAS: No. One. Cares. Answer the question, Sticks.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Very well. I would say that my ‘position’ has allowed me to brew a perspective of sympathy for the common man. I think that being able to relate to the downtrodden and hungry common folk. After all, it is the warchief that cooks for them, not the other way around. It’s taught me to boil compassion and – >
SYLVANAS: Are you really going to keep this pun charade going? It’s not even amusing any more. More pitiful really.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Look, I’m a talking pile of burning logs that has nothing going for it except for a moderate pacifist political philosophy, a bunch of cheap cooking puns and the fact that I’m not Garrosh. Give me a break. What I know is that being a pile of flaming sticks and doing nothing will probably be less destructive to the Horde than whatever you or Hellscream will come up with. I’m not up at the podium openly expressing my desire for bloodshed. How is that for an outsider perspective? And what do you have that makes you so special as an outsider anyway, Ms. Windrunner?>
SYLVANAS: Hate and fear. Both are important to understand vividly if one is to control a group the size of the Horde over three continents. Fear keeps our enemies off our lands. Fear keeps prisoners from rising up and killing the guards. Fear prevents betrayal. Varimathras did not fear me, that should have been a warning. I’ve learned the value of fear now. We must also know hate in order to ensure that we are hating our enemies and not each other. Take a look at the situation between the Tauren and the Forsaken. They hate us. I know it. My people know it. But we don’t return it. We understand that our hatred is best served in other ways, namely our ongoing feud with those Scarlet morons.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I’m sure the Windsong family would find your sentiment quite hollow. Or do you routinely poison people you don’t hate?>
SYLVANAS: Thersa Windsong was dying when she came to the Undercity, nothing she had found could cure her. We tried. We failed. I suppose you’d see many a surgeon hanged with that sense of morality, Campfire.
QUESTION: The Warchief is required to some times make unpopular decisions, what can you say that shows the voters you can be willing to make those decisions and deal with the consequences?
SYLVANAS: While it seems almost every decision I’ve made could be viewed as an unpopular one in some member of the Horde’s eyes, I would say one that epitomized my career – and that turned out well, I suppose – would be supporting the Sin’dorei’s admittance into the Horde. A controversial decision, what with their reliance on fel magic for sustenance at the time. However, the Forsaken stood by the Blood Elves and for it we have a strong ally that has proven on more than one occassion that they are an asset to the Horde. Despite doubting glances from both orcs and tauren, I reinforced the Sin’dorei’s forces in the ghostlands with my own soldiers. Aiding them in reclaiming the lost regions of Quel’Thalas from the Scourge and dealing a blow against the Lich King’s hold in the Dead Scar. Top that, logs.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Is it that hard for you to simply acknowledge me with the minimal amount of respect? To use my name instead of calling me sticks or logs? I am another candidate in this running, you know.>
SYLVANAS: Considering that some of the other candidates are the man-child Garrosh and a man who writes fantasy fiction, it’s not exactly something that’s going to garner any respect from me. Or is being a candidate your ‘unpopular decision’?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Very well, but I refuse to sink to your level, Windrunner. As a campfire, I often make decisions that are unpopular: I wane, I lose heat, I go out in the middle of the night leaving you without warmth. These actions have taught me how frail people can be. They have shown me that even the smallest choice – to rest, to push myself too hard and fall behind, to lose sight of the goal – can have devastating consequences. We must always think before we act.>
SYLVANAS: So those were choices? You actively chose to do those things?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Well… sort of… yes… or when the wind was too harsh or it got wet… or… regardless, it has been very insightful to how one SHOULD be making decisions. After all, the Sin’dorei with or without your support still fell to Kael’thas’ deception did they not? Where was your unpopular decision to aid the elves now that many had succumbed to the demonic energy the other members of the Horde were worried about?>
SYLVANAS: The Forsaken were fully devoted to the offensive at the Sunwell. Many of our greatest champions went and pledged themselves to the cause. I do not recall many burning twigs assaulting the enemy forces there however. Or was allowing the Burning Legion to seize the Sunwell part of your brilliant outsider knowledge?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <You are testing my patient, Windrunner.>
SYLVANAS: You’ve already lost mine.
Umm… Okay, getting a bit tense in here. QUESTION: There is an old saying that states “Nothing ventured, Nothing gained” what are you willing to risk for the Horde and how much would you need to gain in order to be willing to push that limit?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <The only sensible answer to the question would be ‘Only what must be risked’ and ‘Only when necessary’ but I suppose you want something more specific to titilate your readers into controversial and angry discussions?>
Well, that would be NICE. We haven’t had a good flame war in the comment section since… Okay, we’ve never had a flame war in the comment section. But I would still love to see it. I got a bag of now extremely stale popcorn set aside for the moment. Please continue.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I would never risk the safety of the women and children of the Horde. I would go as far to say that only those who have chosen to fight will be risked, because they have actively consented to be risked. The only time I would ever break this vow is in the face of complete possible annihilation. But no battle, no war, not even invasion would cause me to risk those who have not actively chosen to be put in harms way.>
SYLVANAS: You may find annihilation to be sooner than later if Wrynn has his way. That man sees every horde an abomination, and wants them six feet under in the quickest possible way.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Why am I not surprised that you take issue with Wrynn? Still a bit sore after he vowed to reclaim the human territory you seized from them? Negotiation is the key to victory for all of Azeroth, and assumptions are the enemy of negotiation. It’s like putting chicken gravy on a salad, you just don’t do it.>
SYLVANAS: That’s possibly the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say yet, Twigs. And I’m not referring to putting gravy on the salad.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <What would you risk, Windrunner? Everything? Down to the last crying baby?>
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <What?!>
SYLVANAS: Not without reason, you short sighted lump of fuel. Such sacrifices would not be meaningless and I am nothing if not someone who plans ahead. If everything I have been working on comes to fruition, the Horde will no longer have a need to fear death. Who wouldn’t elect me warchief knowing that there may be immortality to be gained?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I don’t know. How about anyone who has heard such empty promises from demons, old gods, or the cult of the damned? You’ve gone mad, Sylvanas. I can see why the good people of the Horde would be willing to elect a humble and honored campfire to the position over people like you.>
SYLVANAS: Then it will be their loss for it, Campfire. When you crackle and burn as the Alliance razes our cities the ground, we will see where the Horde’s true feelings lie.
Umm… wow. There you have it folks. I was kinda hoping for a few more Ha Ha’s there at the end, but damn. I guess there’s a sense of finality in the air as we come to the end of the debate season. I’m already nervous for next time when we see Garrosh Hellscream and Thrall take to the podiums.
Of course I’d like to thank Hydross the Unstable and Bilingual for providing tonights translation and not screwing it up. And of course, tonight’s debate was brought to by the Nefarian something or other blah blah. Why do the bad guys keep sponsoring the debates? Would it kill us to get a good guy sponsor? Anyway, see you next time folks!
Hello everyone and welcome back to yet another exciting Warchief Election Debate! Last time we got some pretty awesome ratings thanks to the good people over WoW Insider (We promise not to say anything bad about you for like, six weeks. I know we haven’t ever said anything about you before either, but this is like a guarantee. Which is even better right?). Anyway, this week we’ve got a doozy. It’s the polar opposite of last time – we’ve got two war minded candidates tonight and they look ready to kill, which means it HAS to be more interesting than two pacifists ‘duking’ it out for who doesn’t want to hurt more people.
As always, we have the Son of Hellscream himself, the slayer of… (Um… Garrosh… have you actually killed anything? Uh huh. What’s that? Hmm.. okay.) The slayer of depression, the destroyer of da blues, Garrosh Hellscream! And also we have the privilege, nay the pleasure, of welcoming back the Dark Lady, Sylvanas Windrunner, queen of the forsaken and crusher of giant ice walls. Tonight’s debate is brought to you by The Enterprise Company… seriously? I was just joking last time! Do they think this is going to work? Oh well, “Enterprise Company. Your source for everything the Venture Company has, only you can buy it from us because we’re totally not evil and totally not the Venture Company” Can we just get on with the stinking debates?
QUESTION: Both of tonight’s candidates…
RICHARD KNAAK: I’m still here, a**hole.
Sorry Richard, totally forgot you were there… again. Ahem. Again the majority of our candidates tonight are in favor of war with the Alliance. So the first question this evening is why do you think war is the best possible option as well as why your strategic plans are better than your opponents?
GARROSH: The Alliance is a threat to the Horde. That’s all they are ever going to be. No matter what we do, they will continue to see us as beasts and monsters that serve no other purpose but to killed off or kicked out until we no longer dwell in “their world.” I think the fact that they still feel that way after everything our current warchief has done is proof enough that they want nothing else but to see us dead. The best defense is a good offense. We need to strike out and stake our claim in this world if we are ever going to have anything. You think that those noble souls doing battle in Warsong Gulch are just playing around with a flag?
RICHARD KNAAK: Yes.
GARROSH: No! They are battling for the resources and control of the territory that those resources reside on for the Horde! We need that lumber for the houses that our young sleep in! We need it to defend our walls, and our loved ones! And the only way we will ever lay claim to the resources we need to survive is to take them from those who will not willingly give them. So we fight the Alliance, not because we are blood shedding beasts but because we wish to survive! I will not lay down my honor and roll over to die as a coward in some ditch while the Alliance takes everything from us. My father did not die so the Horde could live on their knees. He died so we could be free people! Free from the bloodlust, the demons, our pasts, and the Alliance!
RICHARD KNAAK: Yes but like when I created Rhonin, I thought-
SYLVANAS: Surprisingly, I actually agree with Garrosh. War with the Alliance is necessary if for no other reason than self-preservation. Anyone who argues against self-preservation is an illogical idiot than deserves the fate that awaits them. However, I don’t agree with Garrosh’s idea of brute strength beating down the doors of the Alliance and saying ‘gimme.’ No, to best the Alliance we are better off using subtlety. A precise strike can do far more damage than constantly bludgeoning something over the head repeatedly. That’s why I founded the Royal Apothecary Society.
GARROSH: And didn’t that turn out peachy?
SYLVANAS: Quiet, you lap dog of Thrall. ‘Everything our current warchief has done’? Ha! Does he read you bed time stories now that daddy is dead?
GARROSH: Hold your tongue, banshee.
SYLVANAS: You are in no place to order me, Hellscream. The Society was founded with the idea of finding a way to efficiently and secretly eliminate our enemies without needing to lift anything more than a finger to push the button. I see now that leaving Putress and Varimathras unsupervised was a mistake, one I don’t plan to make again. But efficiency means less deaths for the Horde, more deaths for the Alliance and anything we can need can be at our disposal with a simple flick of the wrist and drop of well designed slime.
GARROSH: There is no honor in that! Honor comes from defeating your enemies head on and in a glorious battle!
RICHARD KNAAK: …kind of an outsider that could unite everyone under a single cause, be it horde or alliance or even humans and elves. Heck it was almost like I invented Robin Hood…
SYLVANAS: Your outdated senses of honor are useless here. This is no time for wasting lives.
GARROSH: Like you have a life to waste.
RICHARD KNAAK: …And when Vereesa saw him for the first time, oh ho ho, there’s no avoiding a couple of half-elf kids at that point.
SYLVANAS: What. did. you. just. say. ABOUT MY LITTLE SISTER?
RICHARD KNAAK: Nothing!
QUESTION: Having engaged in some rather questionable actions in the past, it has made some voters uneasy about putting you in charge of the Horde. What can you say to defend your past actions and why should voters trust you?
GARROSH: I admit that my actions in Northrend were… extreme. But extreme actions is what the situation called for. We faced two enemies in that frozen hell, one thought of us as nothing more than household vermin and the Scourge feared nothing, not even death. There is no ‘merciful’ tactic against enemies like that. You must not hesitate or else you give them the chance to take you by surprise. Look at that pathetic human’s tournament in Icecrown! He left the doors right open for the Lich King to enter and doom us all and then acted surprised when he did just that. That is the kind of weakness the Horde cannot afford anymore. If that means we are brutal, then we shall be brutal. If the humans want to hate us, then we will just have to make them fear us instead. That is why I did what I had to in Northrend. I regret nothing. My only sorrow is for those who judge me less for doing what had to be done to ensure the livelihood of the Horde.
SYLVANAS: I will admit that trusting Varimathras was a mistake. One of only a few that I will ever commit. I know that now the only one worth trusting is myself. That is why I chose to run for warchief. To leave it in the hands of a half-cocked buffoon like Garrosh is too dangerous, Thrall is just leading us down a path of becoming slaves or getting killed, and I don’t even know what people are thinking to put a pile of sticks on the throne. What are they expecting it to do when the Alliance marches through the gates of Orgrimmar? Make a stew and hope they just leave because now they are full? The Alliance is not a stray dog. It will not love you just because you gave it some scraps. If we are going to get things done, we need someone who knows from hard earned experience that you can’t trust anyone but yourself to do it right.
GARROSH: What about that plague that just happened to kill both living and undead targets?
SYLVANAS: A lack of oversight can cause many a malicious act to occur when one is not looking. I can assure you that the new plague was designed solely for the purpose of destroying the Lich King and his forces. Anything else is a product of Putress’ involvement.
GARROSH: I smell fear, Windrunner.
SYLVANAS: And I smell Orc B.O. Could you please go back to YOUR podium?
Well, I think we’ve heard just about enough of that for tonight. I’d like to-
RICHARD KNAAK: One damn moment, you’ve drug me to these infernal debates twice, TWICE, now and not only have I been ridiculed and made a fool of but I have not once been given a chance to voice my opinion or present myself fairly to the voters.
Oh? You think we’ve kept you down some how? Okay, Richard, I’ll ask you a question. Just you. How about that?
RICHARD KNAAK: Excellent. I have prepared a question just for this ocassion.
Wait… that’s not… Oh fine! Give me that damn card.
RICHARD’S AWESOME QUESTION: Richard, what is your fantastic take on the issues? How amazingly easily would it be for you to fix all of the Horde’s problems? Are you really as awesome as they say, or are you awesome-er?
RICHARD KNAAK: Well, thank you for such a flattering question, I think first and foremost that –
Well, what do you know, that’s all we have time for tonight.
RICHARD KNAAK: WHAT?!
I’d like to thank our sponsors at… ugh… Enterprise Company, “Strip mining your land in totally nice, safe ways cause we’re totally not the Venture Co.” And thank you for tuning in!
RICHARD KNAAK: I will sue you, Vrykerion!
Next time we’ll have Basic Campfire chatting toe to toe with the Banshee Queen, Lady Sylvanas Windrunner.
RICHARD KNAAK: All of you can burn in hell!
Until next time folks! This is Vrykerion, saying take care of yourself and your main tank. (Can we turn Richard’s mic off? Thanks. He was really… WHOA! RICHARD! PUT THAT DOWN! PUT THAT–)
Welcome one and all, back to the Warchief Election Debates! This week we settle the war of the pacifists. Two great advocates for diplomacy, understanding, and utter optimists when it comes to people of all races and origins… oh and Richard Knaak is here too. I’m sure he’ll have something to say about something. Anyway, besides Richard, we have our two leaders in the current polls: Thrall, the current warchief, and Basic Campfire, the people’s favorite, have come down here tonight to participate in this most epic debate.
As with last time we had Basic Campfire here, we’ve brought in former majordomo Executus to translate from firespeak. Welcome back to the blog, Executus. Also tonight’s sponsor for the debate is the Consortium, offering you quality everything at a what recent polls have stated is a decent price. Seriously? We’re getting sponsored by the Consortium? What’s next the Venture Company? By the titans, what happened to standards… What? We’re still on? Oh Fuuuueeellow members of the Horde, let’s start, shall we?
Question 1: Both of tonight’s candidates-
Richard Knaak: Excuse me! Um… Yes, There are three of us up here.
Sorry. The majority of tonight’s candidates are strong advocates for both diplomacy and peace in Azeroth. What can you say that would convince voters to choose you over your opponent… or Richard.
Basic Campfire (Translated from Firespeak): <The key to great diplomacy is having all the correct ingredients. You need fresh ideas, a crisp and clean perspective, and a rich flavorful background of experiences. I have spent time with any citizen of every faction who decided to take a single cooking lesson. I have steamed fish with the Tuskarr, I have baked pie with the Alliance, and I have simmered sausage with the Goblins. After all, all living things have the need to eat, and I have been there to provide them with that. I doubt any of my competitors could make such a claim.>
Richard Knaak: Well in my experience-
Thrall: No offense, Campfire, but by those rigid standards, a fork is just as qualified to participate in peace talks. What is needed is compassion. I must call you on this Campfire and I apologize for it. You help to feed all these people, because they call upon you to do it. You are at their beck and call and while you may enjoy it, you are not actively choosing to do it. This is not volunteering, this is pleasurable servitude, and it is certainly not compassion. What is compassion? Seeking peace and understanding between the factions, to and beyond the point that your own people are calling your actions near treasonous. Where the tabloids assume you must be having some illicit affair because you engage in talks with the “enemy” that concern the fate of every living thing on the planet. That is what I have done. I have risked every morsel of my reputation and dignity on peace and not questioned it once.
Richard Knaak: Well that’s interesting because when I created-
Basic Campfire: <Thrall, allow me to disagree with your blatant attempts to cast yourself as some kind of messianic figure. Saying that the intent and risk is the important point in creating peace and dipolmacy, and I’m saying that’s just a bunch of steam. You can garnish the topic with all the trimmings you want, but it comes down to the meat and potatoes: Is it helping? If nothing else I can say that I’ve fed millions. What can you say about your “compassion” and “sacrifices”? That’s like saying all you need to boil water is water and wanting it to be hot! So you define compassion as having personal risk in the pursuit of helping others? Well, let’s cut to the cheese here, I am a campfire. When I cook for these people, I am set ablaze and burn for their food.>
Richard Knaak: Wait… you aren’t always a campfire? What stage in your life are you just logs? Is that like limbo, or like an infant or something?
Basic Campfire: <I find that comment racist, sir.>
Thrall: No, the human has a point. I’m curious about this too. Are you a campfire or are you logs that are being set on fire?
Basic Campfire: Crackle crackle pop crackle roar crackle pop!
Ahem, sorry about that folks, Executus has informed me that we may be facing fines if he translated what Basic Campfire just said. Wait. What fines? This is the internet! Translate that!
Basic Campfire: <Why don’t you just put yourselves out!>
Executus… What exactly was offensive about that? You seriously suck at this job. Anyway, while hoping to maintain a civil tone here, let’s move on to question 2.
Question 2: times are getting tough, with big goblin cartels taking business from small horde companies and the war in Northrend consuming way more of the Horde’s resources than planned, what would you do to secure the jobs and financial stability of the Horde?
Thrall: As warchief, I have set forth a number of initiatives that will be available soon to create new jobs for the Horde. Including allocating a fund to help start a small archeology school in Orgrimmar, and investing in a new technology that will allow the brave heroes of the Horde to “reforge” their equipment. Both of those should provide an ample amount of new jobs for the Horde. We’ve also been in talks with some members of the Bilgewater Cartel, in hopes that it will provide us an “in” to discussing ways to protect both Horde and goblin interests with all of the cartels.
Basic Campfire: <So your method of sizzling the economy is the burn the tax payer’s money? The ideal method of solving this issue to bring the broth of personal responsibility to a boil and slowly mix in opportunity. Once the good people of the Horde acknowledge that is just as much their own duty to worry about the economy as it is the warchief’s, we can began to reward individuals who are willing to do their part with tax breaks. Not to increase taxes across the board in order to fund some undercooked “reforge” idea.>
Thrall: So your suggestion is that people just toughen up when it comes to the goblin cartels running them out of business? Individual responsibility should be rewarded, but individual responsibility is not strong enough to battle a strong business presence like the goblin cartels. The warchief has a duty to all, even in financial matters.
Basic Campfire: <I never suggested that people should simply toughen up against the cartels, because in my opinion the cartels have no business interfering with Horde businesses. I would rather see the warchief spend their time working to strictly limit or completely cut off the goblin cartels from the Horde. The Trade Princes have shown time and time again that they have no regard for the rights or concerns of other businesses, or even their customers. That kind of overbearing and ruthless business presence is better cut off and put in with the scraps.>
Richard Knaak: Well, what I would do is send a charismatic and slightly misunderstood orc with a destiny even he doesn’t fully understand to go to Kezan and negotiate with the goblins to get them to ease off on hostile trade relations with the Horde.
Basic Campfire: <What happens if your plan doesn’t work?>
Richard Knaak: What do you mean? I don’t understand the question.
Thrall: And what happens if this representative of yours is fails to convince the goblins to do that?
Richard Knaak: I’m not sure I follow, what do you mean if my representative fails? My people NEVER fail. They are fail proof.
Basic Campfire: <…>
And on that awkward silence, I’d like to end tonight’s debates. Thank you gentlemen… and Richard – for an exciting and informatitive evening. I’m sure everyone at home is buzzing with discussions between themselves over who they should cast their vote for now. Once again, this debate was sponsered by the Consortium, your source for everything that you can buy and some things you can’t. I would like to thank our translator former Majordomo Executus and be sure to tune into the next Warchief debate where Garrosh and Sylvanas face off in a battle of hopefully just words, and hey maybe Richard will be there too. Richard, wanna come to another debate?
Richard Knaak: I don’t deserve this mockery.
That’s a yes. See you next time folks!
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the one of the most anticipated events in the Warchief debates. Sylvanas Windrunner, the Banshee Queen of the Forsaken, ruler of the Undercity, and a former Ranger General of Silvermoon, going up against the current Warchief, he united the new Horde, was the chosen successor of Orgrim Doomhammer himself, and the orc with no last name: Thrall.
They’ve come here tonight to lay the issues on the line and engage in verbal combat for the coveted title of warchief. Like every night on the campaign trail, this can make or break a candidate for many. Since we have a number of questions to get through and very little time (the Sen’jin Headhunters are playing the Undercity Grave Diggers after this), candidates to your podiums please… and LET’S GET READY TO DEEEEEBAAAATE!
Question 1: Some have said that a Fourth War may be on the horizon between the Alliance and the Horde, would you agree with this idea? What would you say to ease the minds of the people or rally them for the coming battle?
THRALL: There are many who would sensationalized the actions of the Horde and Alliance and would view us heading towards each other in a devastating collision. However, these situations are isolated and blown out of proportion by many. For instance, the situation in Icecrown has led to a number of bouts of combat between the Horde and the Alliance, but it has actually been mostly a territorial dispute and a pointless one at that. That is why I pledged my support to Tirion Fordring for his efforts to unite us to a common goal. The risk of war, in my opinion, is overblown.
SYLVANAS: You’re blind, Thrall. You always have been. You trusted that Proudmoore would uphold the truce in Kalimdor, yet Kul Tiras’ forces stand defiantly in your own yard. You trusted Garrosh to handle the situation in Northrend, and he has done nothing more than senselessly slaughter anything without a horde tabard on its chest. You would tell yourself that this battle isn’t coming, but the dogs of war are closing in around you, Warchief. Your attitude of frivolous optimism has all but sealed the Horde’s fate. That is why we can no longer put our trust in those who could turn at a moments notice. Unlike you, I learned my lesson from the Battle of the Undercity. No more Putresses, no more Varimathrases and no more Proudmoores.
THRALL: So you would condemn the innocent simply because…
SYLVANAS: Because of what, Thrall? Because they serve the Alliance? Those who wanted you dead on the spot back in my throne room? The blood elves are our allies, the tauren are our allies, the Alliance are NOT. So yes, Thrall, I would condemn the innocent just because they are my enemy. That is what it means to be enemies. It means I draw the line when it comes to bedding with the enemy.
THRALL: I will not stand for such insinuations!
SYLVANAS: Why? Are you still sore because she calls Wrynn “Her King” instead of you?
THRALL: Enough! Casting me as a villain will not help your argument any, Sylvanas. Need I remind you that my trust goes both ways. Was it not I that trusted your word that the Undercity was taken by a coup? Did I not urge the tauren to trust the Forsaken enough to bring them into the Horde?
SYLVANAS: You think that exonerates you from allowing our defenses to lapse and creating discord amongst your people? There is a reason they are willing to elect a burning pile of logs instead of you or Garrosh, Thrall. The war is coming, Warchief.
THRALL: I can’t tell if I’m listening to the words of the Banshee Queen or Garrosh! If war is coming, our actions should be to quickly diffuse it instead of ramping up our armaments and encourage the conflict. If peace can not be established, then there will always be a war coming. A fifth war, and a sixth war, until either side is completely dead and gone. And regardless of what you think of the Alliance or the living, Sylvanas, if either faction is wiped from the face of Azeroth, the world will be lesser for it.
Question 2: After the Battle for the Undercity, the Kor’kron guard have taken up duties in the Undercity. This has raised a lot of concerns about personal freedoms and individual autonomy of the factions of the Horde. What is your stance on sacrificing for the greater cause?
SYLVANAS: The Kor’kron have been an insult to the halls of the Undercity. There was no need for them there, as the Undercity’s guards had handled everything fine up until. The arrival of the Kor’kron forces have done nothing more than made the forsaken prisoners in their own city. Does it call into question how autonomous each race of the Horde is? Absolutely. When the forsaken aided the sin’dorei in their attempts to reclaim the Ghostlands, we did not set up camp in Silvermoon. We did not replace their guards. We did not exert control. So what the orcs are doing in the Undercity is beyond uncalled for. It’s almost worse than the crime we are apparently being punished for.
THRALL: Sylvanas, I am shocked. This is the first I am hearing of this from you. I stationed the Kor’kron there for the safety of the forsaken. I thought it best after King Wrynn’s declaration of wanting to seize the city back that there would reason enough to reinforce the Undercity. At no point did Bragor attempt to refuse your right as Queen. At no point did I say that you were not free to govern your people how you saw fit. There is no loss of freedom to be found. Simply helping our friends remain safe. I think these thoughts of replacing you are simply that – thoughts.
SYLVANAS: Safe, Thrall? For years, the forsaken have held off the Scarlet Crusade from the east and the Alliance from the south. Not once during the attacks of Tarren Mill did you raise your voice about safety. You never batted an eye when the Scarlet Crusade began to fortify their monastery and started lynching my people from the trees! The only time you ever cared about the safety of the forsaken or the security of the Undercity is after an attempted coup from within. So I find it hard to chock it up to simple ‘paranoia’ when I see your personal guard watching my people closer than the doors to the city. As for the question of sacrificing for the greater cause, I think it entirely depends on what we are sacrificing. Our autonomy as individual races being united as a Horde is what sets us apart from the Alliance, who are just that, an Alliance. They all have equal say in their little band except for Varian who sits at the head of the whole beast and does all the barking. No one sees the blood elves or tauren do something and instantly thinks that’s the actions of the entire Horde.
THRALL: If we are not united, then we are nothing but Horde in name. Even the Old Horde had united together towards a common goal. While yes, that goal was war, they did sacrifice some of their clan’s autonomy to do it. When Doomhammer made me the warchief of the New Horde, I did what I could to abolish those old mentalities of divided clans. I don’t see why the same would not work amongst the different races.
SYLVANAS: So you suppose we just mimic the Alliance, with you as the barking head? Or are you suggesting the racial leaders found some Shadow Council of our own and rule the Horde?
THRALL: Your putting words in my mouth. I’m simply saying that if it serves the greater good and betters the Horde, we should consider it. I wouldn’t remove anything from the table unless I was sure that we could do without.
Question 3: What do you think is the greatest weakness the Horde has at the moment?
THRALL: We are a young lot. We don’t have much of the wisdom that many of the elders possess. I can only wish that I can understand as much as Drek’thar or Cairne when I reach their age. I wholeheartedly think that our youth is our greatest weakness. We are bold headed and closed minded because of it. If you look at most of the problems the Horde face, and issues people have with much of the Horde’s leadership stem from the fact that their mindset and viewpoint is that of youth.
SYLVANAS: How fortunate that a young pup like you is exempt from the follies of youth. Who exactly are you talking about with that statement? Both I and the council that leads the Blood Elves are well over 100 years old and you defend the wisdom of Bloodhoof, so who I wonder could you be talking about?
THRALL: Age is more than just the years one has walked on the earth, Sylvanas.
SYLVANAS: Fine, keep your greeting card messages. But in my opinion, the greatest weakness of the Horde is the inability to act decisively. We either rush into things weapons drawn like your pathetic apprentice, Garrosh, or we sit and deliberate and talk until we are all doomed by indecision. When the Undercity fell, we identified the problem and we acted to remove it. It was a success. The fact that something that efficient doesn’t happen more often is the greatest weakness of the Horde.
Question 4: Our final question of the evening comes from Brigwyn. He asks: Dwarves or Humans, who do you trust more and why?
SYLVANAS: Dwarves. Definitely dwarves. Humans are swollen with pride and love for themselves. They think themselves superior to others for no reason. Dwarves, in my experience, are relatively realistic in their views of themselves. They were divided during a war, not by racial lines or other petty reasons, but by political ideologies. As someone who broke away from a tyrannical faction out of ‘ideological reasons’ I can respect that decision, even if they serve the Alliance.
THRALL: You’ve let a few humans cloud your judgement of all of them, Sylvanas.
SYLVANAS: I could say the same for you, Warchief.
THRALL: On the contrary, don’t forget that I was raised by humans. I have seen with my own two eyes that humans are amazingly diverse in any way you can be different. Even within their own ‘clans’ they have many different people with different view points. Almost as if every person was their own ‘clan.’ And yet they still all work together towards a goal. It’s amazing really. When I was discussing the differences between arcane magic and shamanism with Jaina…
SYLVANAS: I’ve had enough of this, Thrall. What is the deal with you and Jaina?
THRALL: What? What do you mean?
SYLVANAS: Don’t try to avoid the issue. You know what everyone says about you and Jaina, I even got the better of your temper earlier by mentioning that little human witch. So what exactly is your relationship with her?
THRALL: Fine. If you must know. Jaina and I are-
Oh, so sorry there Thrall, but we’ve run out of time for this debate. The game is just starting and I know the Dark Lady doesn’t ever miss a game when the Grave Diggers are playing. However I think we’ve answered a lot of questions that people may have had. Next time we’ve got Richard Knaak, Basic Campfire, and Thrall squaring off in a three way debate that will show us once and for all who has the humanitarian skills to pull of being Warchief. The incumbent warchief or a pile of logs that have been set on fire (and maybe Knaak will say something we can all laugh at). Keep it here at Oddcraft.net for all your Warchief Election coverage!
Welcome one and all to the Warchief election debates. Tonight will be watching the debate between two of the heavyweights of the debate square off in a verbal arena of mayhem that was only thought possible with the advent of cutting edge 3D imaging technology now brought to you not only in 2D but also in text form. Yes, we at OddCraft are just that good. Now allow me to introduce the distinguished candidates that will be participating in tonight’s debate. Weighing in at 375 pounds, the Nightmare from Nagrand, the Beast of Borean, GARROSH HELLSCREAM!
At the opposite podium, at 13 lbs, 16 if you include the ashes, the Titan of Temperature and current front-runner in the polls, please welcome: BASIC CAMPFIRE! Because Basic Campfire is a fire and not an actual living breathing person, we have invited the former majordomo of Ragnaros, Executus, to be our translator from firespeak to Orcish.
QUESTION: There has been a lot of conflict with the Alliance over the years, from Warsong Gulch to the Eye of the Storm. But the Northrend Campaign seems to have increased that conflict quite a bit with the Isle of Conquest, Strand of the Ancients, Wintergrasp Forest, Grizzly Hills and the incidents across Icecrown, what are your plans for decreasing the loss of Horde lives in these conflicts?
BASIC CAMPFIRE (Translated from Firespeak): <It is true that there has been a rising trend in conflict with the Alliance. And while some have contributed more to that trend than others, I would like to think that as a faction we are ready to move past these rotten ways and on to the fresh fruit of peace. After all, there is nothing that says the Alliance peanut butter and the Horde chocolate wouldn’t go together to make something great. Why, just take a look at the efforts in Outland!>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: Is everything just food to you?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Unlike some of us, Hellscream, I am not willing to wait and make jokes as this situation moves from a simmer of hostility to a boil of war without taking some action to reduce the heat.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: You would rather have us sacrifice our pride and honor to play nice with the Alliance. To what end? What reason have the Alliance ever given us to think that if we were to lay down arms that they would happily coexist with us. It would be back to the camps, back to slavery, and back to a life of nomadic wandering or mercenary work for many. I would rather die than see that sad fate fall upon this Horde. Wrynn has made it clear that there is no tolerance for the Horde coming from the Alliance, so the only sensible thing to do is to strike at them before they attack us. As warchief I would choose to expand our conflicts with the Alliance in order to protect more of the Horde’s territories and interests, especially in the Eastern Kingdom.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Fear mongering on the what ifs will not help anyone, Horde or Alliance, in the long run. In order to achieve peace, we must cover the cracked and hard crust of war with the sauce of honesty and the toppings of cooperation.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: Did you just compare war to a pizza?
QUESTION: The Horde has always seemed like an Orc-centric race, with the Blood Elves still entertaining ambassadors, the Forsaken now under watch of the Kor’kron guard, the Darkspear camping out inside of Orgrimmar and the Tauren being forced to accept goblin run zeppelins parking in Thunderbluff. What would you do to unify the Horde as a single force.
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: I find it insulting that you would interpret the actions of the orcs in such a way. While yes, it is a fact that the Horde was founded on orc principles and interests, we believe that our forces are only as strong as the weakest arm that wields a weapon. So we have sought to fortify the Horde’s position by ensuring that all of the Horde is connected in some fashion. Be it with ambassadors keeping an eye on Quel’thalas, the Kor’kron defending our closest capital to Alliance territory, or ensuring that the forces of Orgrimmar can come to the tauren’s assistance in a moments notice. The Horde is a single force, and we are stronger because of it, and it just happens that the orcs are the sword and shield of that single force, and we are stronger because of that as well.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <You would assume that might makes right in this situation, Garrosh. You lack an outside perspective of what those actions are doing to the other races of the Horde. In order to unite the Horde, we must coat our interactions with a thick layer of trust before we can even hope to build that strength. Because if we don’t all that strength will simply get us stuck and I assure, Garrosh, we will break apart if we try to force it. Strength alone cannot justify anything. Even your father knew that.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF MY FATHER, YOU PILE OF STICKS!
We would like to remind the candidates that this is a written transcript of the debate and not actual footage, so while I normally would be all for the types of ratings that throwing podiums would pull in, it doesn’t do us jack squat in text. So please, Mr. Hellscream, put down the podium.
QUESTION: There has been some concern for the Horde forces stationed in Outland, and now in Northrend with the conflict with the scourge coming to a close, what are your plans for bringing those brave soldiers of the Horde home?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <There is no plan. One should not need a ‘plan’ or a ‘schedule’ to honor our brave soldiers and bring them back home to their families. You just do it. Those courageous souls have earned. After all, with Illidan’s forces wiped out, Kael’thas usurped and brought to justice and the naga’s plans halted, what else is there for the Horde to do in Outland? The same logic applies in Northrend. We accomplished what was needed and now it is time to let those weary souls rest with their loved ones back home. If there are any further conflicts, allow the local forces of the Shattered Sun address it. They are Outland’s own army now.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: By the spirits, you answered the whole thing without making a reference to food in any way.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I am capable of a great many things, thank you. After all, variety is the spice of life.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: There it is. As for the question, I find it appalling that my opponent is so quick to demand that the orcs abandoned their homeland. We were born in Outland, we were raised in Outland, and I’ll be damned if I let her fall into the hands of whomever comes along next simply because the demons are gone and we want our warm fuzzy beds. I don’t know how my opponent sleeps, but there is nothing fuzzy about an orc bed, and there is no warmth in knowing that we abandoned our ancestry simply to pander for a few votes. The forces in Outland don’t need to come home, because they ARE home. As for Northrend, despite that pompous paladin’s assurance that the Lich King is dead, there has been no decrease in the number of scourge littering Icecrown, and you never take your eyes off an enemy just because you THINK you’ve bested them.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Do you always solve everything at a sword’s edge?>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: I’d rather have a sword at my side than a ladle, Kindling.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I’d expect nothing less from the son of a man who…>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MY FATHER?! DIE, YOU SON OF A LOG!
Ah! Gentlemen! Please! Stop! No! Not that! That’s expensive! Ooo… Well, I suppose that’s it for this debate. OW! Stop throwing things! …I’d like to thank Executus for translating tonight, and our sponsors at Demon Dew, Unleash the Demon in You. Tune in next week for a debate between Thrall and Lady Sylvanus Windrunner. DANGIT! THAT HURT! Okay, who threw that one? Basic Campfire? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE ARMS!
Well, I mentioned earlier this week that we had received some announcements for the new Warchief candidate that had decided to squeeze into Deathwing’s old spot (He’s still sending us emails. Nonsensical trash like “The Barrens shall burn in my wake!” or “Not even Southshore shall be spared my wrath!” and some such), but we were discussing the best way to announce it. Well, when we got a look at the campaign ad, that issue was quickly resolved. So here it is ladies and gentlemen, squeaking in just before debate season starts, your new fifth candidate for Warchief:
That’s right, Horde. The Banshee Queen is on the scene. I wasn’t kidding when I said that Basic Campfire and Thrall had better watch out, because the Queen of the Dead is packing some major support. Until now there hadn’t been a candidate that the Forsaken had truly backed. Oh sure, some of them liked Thrall and others really enjoyed Basic Campfire’s easy to get behind platform, but all bets are off when Sylvanas Windrunner throws her hat in the ring. Even a large number of Blood Elves have decided to support Windrunner as the new warchief.
The Dark Lady is a hard candidate to follow, she’s proven her chops against both the Alliance and the Scourge, not to mention her dedication to the Horde by accepting the help of Thrall to recapture the Undercity from insurgents that she could have easily joined up with. Her Royal Apothecary Society has created some of the most potent biological weapons ever seen, and the Alliance has seen that she doesn’t mind testing them on live subjects.
While some detractors have mentioned that using weapons like the New Plague as a deterrent could have troublesome repercussions, some do admit that it’s better than the policy of open war that Garrosh has been advocating. The tauren have been especially out spoken against the announcement of Windrunner’s candidacy, seeing forsaken leadership as one step closer to a possible ‘Lich King’ scenario. Lady Sylvanas dismissed such complaints, “The Lich King is dead but we are still here. If that’s not proof enough that we’re not in league with Scourge, I don’t know what is.”
I don’t think I need to express how much of a game changer the appearance of Lady Windrunner is in this election. With legions of voters including the forsaken, the sin’dorei, and many female voters openly expressing their support for this new candidate, we should expect even more heated debates coming this next week. For those of you out there who wish to support Lady Sylvanas Windrunner as a candidate, her team was kind enough to do up a new button for everyone. They’ve made some of their own changes to it:
Well, this is it folks. The last two camps of the 2010 Warchief Elections have delivered their ads, and boy are they… um… well let’s call it ‘unique.’ The first one of these we got was a small paper flyer that was pushed through our mail slot the other day. It’s got all the production quality of a college student with Photoshop and a nearby Kinko’s. So, well, here’s Richard Knaak’s ad:
We sent out people to every single Horde capital in order to get a response on this one. Generally, all we got was “Who is Richard Knaak?” and “What in the nether is a retcon?” We tried to explain to them that the Draenei were a retcon which was generally met with “No. The Draenei are demons.” After our teams decided this was a lost cause we headed to Dalaran to ask Rhonin about this. When we showed him the flyer, he had a concerned look on his face: “I don’t normally get involved in the politics of the different factions, but I don’t think he’s joking.”
What exactly would Knaak retcon if not elected? One would assume he’d make himself the new warchief, but there are a number of other possibilities. What if he changed the Horde so it was a run by a council of each races leaders and there was no warchief at the head of it all? While it wouldn’t cater to desire to be all powerful, it would thoroughly change everything for no reason and upset the fans of the Horde, which would still be in line with much of Knaak’s M.O.
However, Knaak’s ad wasn’t the only one that we got to see this week. We finally got to see “Daval Prestor” who apparently, after realizing that no one was buying that pseudonym twice, has dropped the name and just come in to the game as Deathwing proper. His campaign statement is a bit on the forced side in my opinion:
At first, I thought the Vote or Die thing was just a throwback to that ‘get teens to vote’ thing a few years back, but then I remembered that it’s Deathwing. That’s probably just an honest to goodness threat to voters. While I don’t think this course of action is necessarily legal, I am not going to be the one to tell the giant dragon that has magma pouring out of his body. Surprisingly, the voter support for this one was very strong. Many people we talked to were very much in favor of not dying it turns out and they said that will definitely be considering that when they show up to vote.
Not surprisingly, the Forsaken are not taken with this ad – again. “We’re already dead! What use is it to threaten us with it again? Deathwing is obviously missing the point of what it is to be a walking corpse.” says Ageron Kargal, a resident of the town of Brill, “I mean, when are the Forsaken are going to get a Warchief that respects and understands us?” To date, while some Forsaken have been polled wanting to elect one candidate or another, many are undecided for this very reason. Who can blame them? With the exception of Basic Campfire, all the candidates are very much alive – a fact that sets them distinctly apart from the population of the Undercity.
However, following the release of Deathwing’s campaign ad, there was quite a stir in terms of the election. It turns out there was a problem with Deathwing’s run for Warchief. As the Horde by laws clearly state: “A potential Warchief must exist on this plane of existence in order to run.” We sent a correspondent to Deepholm to ask the Destroyer for his opinion – but he was quickly devoured. However, murdering tyrant or not, his name will be taken off the ballot come election due to this. In response to this, Deathwing issued a press release that simply stated: “You want me on your plane? Very well. I WILL BE THERE SOON.” The press release appeared to have been written in blood. Possibly that of our correspondent.
However this does leave an interesting twist on Election. With Deathwing out of the running, there is a vacant slot on the ballot. Will someone step forth the fill it? Who would even try considering the massive amounts of support already given to Thrall and Basic Campfire? Is there someone in Azeroth crazy enough to jump in to a losing race? We shall see.
The Candidates have all released their ads, and with debate season quickly approaching what will can we expect from the four final candidates? Will someone snatch up that last open ballot position? Keep it tuned in here to OddCraft as we are dedicated to bringing you up to date coverage of the Warchief Election!
Probably the most closely watched candidate for this election is the current Warchief, Thrall. Under his leadership, the Horde has seen a great deal of progress. While many have argued that Thrall’s achievements are pulling the Horde in the direction of compromise and surrender, no one can argue that the Horde is the strongest it’s been since the First War. Some would argue it’s even stronger, with Thrall’s initiative to push shamanism back in to the limelight and strict regulation of demon related magic.
Whoever ends up taking the mantle of the Warchief is going to be stepping into Thrall’s footsteps, so it’s no surprise everyone has been eagerly anticipating the Warchief’s own campaign ad to see how the others would measure up. As we reported earlier, Thrall’s campaign team was testing a number of possibilities to see what would work best and now we can finally see the fruits of their labor:
It seems that the ad is almost a direct counter to Garrosh’s own ad. Unlike Garrosh’s ad, Thrall’s features all the races of the Horde – including the recently inducted Goblins and Taunka – as opposed to Garrosh’s Orc-only poster. Like Basic Campfire, it also delivers a simple message: ‘We Are Horde.’ A strong statement, albeit a bit high concept compared to the simple declaration of ‘Cook.’ Still a good reminder that the Horde is together in this struggle, no matter what, and we can’t afford to forget some in the process.
However that tone is also striking up some controversy amongst some. In Thunder Bluff, many disagree with the message based on a long standing distrust of the Forsaken, “Even if the Lich King has been defeated, the undead are one bad day away from looking at us as food instead of allies.” While this opinion is not held by the majority of the Tauren, it is a very vocal minority. Some have even pointed out that Cairne Bloodhoof himself took issue with the Forsaken, “And now the Warchief is going to forget the potential threat under some phony campaign push for unity?”
The idea of the Forsaken as a ‘potential threat’ is also causing a fuss in the Undercity over this campaign ad: “Yes, of course, We are Horde. That’s why the Warchief’s personal guard has this city under constant watch. Nothing says brotherhood like sending armored babysitters to watch every hall of our city.” says Cedric Stumpel, an Undercity local, “Sometimes I wonder even why the Dark Lady sits on her throne.” Lady Windrunner declined an offer to make a statement regarding the ad.
However, the message is making a strong impression with the Blood Elves who view their inclusion in the ad as a sign of growing acceptance as members of the Horde. The Taunka and Goblins were also pleased to be included. Could their numbers be what turns this election in favor of Thrall? Even their diminished populations are a daunting size that could easily secure Thrall’s future to continue his work as Warchief.
The Warchief Election is heating up! Now with only Deathwing and Richard Knaak’s campaign ads left, the voters are already drawing the battle lines! Follow all of Oddcraft’s election coverage by clicking HERE!