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Rock Me, Asmodeus

What? No, it's not evil. That's my... lava lamp. Wait! No. It's my... well look... all the cool elves were doing it. (image courtesy of WoWwiki)

Where? Sunstrider Isle, Eversong Woods

This is probably one of the first weird things I can actually sitting at my desk and wondering about way back in the day.  They were so iconic of the Blood Elf culture, yet the Sin’dorei seemed completely oblivious to them.  It baffled me how you could run an entire society based on something and not know how it actually works…   Ya know what. Forget I said that.  I have no idea how anything more complicated than my toaster works.

Of course what I’m referring to is that giant green crystal that litter the landscape of Blood Elf territories.  Regardless of their allegiance to Kael’Thas or the recent introduction of a holy light powered Sunwell, these massive crystals are still employed around the blood elf landscape, probably because blood elves have a terrible time noticing really really bad ideas (I think it’s genetic).  The first this struck me as odd was during the first couple of quests a new blood elf will do in their starter area.

The general idea of the quests is pretty simply, the local wildlife (notably the mana wyrms, which are a creepy enough concept for me to stab them without hesitation.  Aren’t they like giant wriggling mana mosquitoes?) have been acting quite strange.  Well, anyone with a pair of eyes will notice that the mana wyrms are congregating around the giant green rocks.  You know, the ones with burning red eyes floating in them?  Yet somehow at no point does this raise a flag for anyone.  No one ever says “Maybe it’s caused by our giant burning fel rocks!”  Nope. Not once. Ever.  So what is causing it?  Oh, the scourge must be interfering with them.  Yes.  The not even present on the island scourge are responsible. By the light, blood elves tick me off.

So I kill the stupid wyrmsquitoes.  What’s next on the chopping block?  Oh, well, it looks like the cats that are wandering around the giant crystals are also acting weird.  I don’t even know why you have giant jungle cats wandering around your academy campus anyway!  Oh yes, these unobservant blood elves with all manner of wild beasties running amok aren’t just a bunch of fancy farmers, no sir, they are academics.  Sunstrider Isle is the home of the Falthrien Academy and the surrounding buildings, including the Sunspire that houses all of the trainers, I can only assume are part of the campus.

But there’s good news, a glimpse of redemption to these blood elf smarties, it seems that the ‘Burning Crystals’ are actually the ones causing the problem!  Oh good! You learned how to add one and one together.  So what’s the plan?  Destroy the crystals?  Research alternative power sources that aren’t evil? How about that holy energy?  I know it may take some work, but I think we can get Silvermoon to ‘Go Yellow’ with a clever ad campaign that demonizes those who rely on demonic energy.  I mean, what are blood elves about if not looking down on others for any possible reason?

Wait… what?  Oh.  So the plan is to just kill the cats instead.  Good plan.  I can defintely see that working out magnificently in the long run.  You know what, I don’t think the giant jungle cats are being affected by the ‘Burning Crystals’ at all.  I think you want these dumb felines off of your well manicured campus lawn and you want me to do it.  Lazy blood elf pricks.  I still can’t believe that you are even using those fel rocks.  At what point does that seem like a good idea?

Well, believe it or not, I’ve had people try to convince me that the crystals aren’t really demonic in nature.  That they use arcane energy, not fel magic.  This is not some blood elf NPC trying to swindle me into helping them because I might have some trepidations about working with a demon influenced employer.  No, the people (yes, plural) who have tried to convince me of this are other players.  Come on, people! There are giant glowing evil eyes floating inside the crystals.  The leader of the blood elves is sucking demon juice and bottling it in Outland.  By the end of the expansion, he’s not only actively working for one of the top demons – he’s got one of the little fel rocks stuck in his chest!

I am shocked that no one thinks that using these things was ever a bad idea.  I know that your magic addiction sucks, and it is more or less go cold turkey or turn into a mana vampire.  But downing shots of unfiltered demon dew (Extreme!) is not a solution.  The fact that no one is concerned about it and that your first instinct is to destroy the evidence?  This does not bode well for your society.  Don’t do the dew, crack is whack, and just say no to green stuff the big kids tell you is magical.

Don’t believe me?  Look at Grom Hellscream.  Now look at Grom Hellscream’s kid.  Do you see why you shouldn’t do fel magic now?  Yea.  Go back to sucking sunwell punch.

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Magic Addicts Happen To Be Bad Parents

Blood Elves Learn Parenting Tips from Haris Pilton. No wonder there are so many Blood Elf orphans in Shattrath.

LOCATION: Sunstrider Isle, Eversong Woods

FACTION: Horde

The only thing weirder is the abundance of unusually placed NPCs around Eversong Woods. Most NPCs tend to serve some purpose outside of the capital cities (Where many exist for simple atmosphere). But here on the shore far behind the majority of the starter zone, in an area only useful if you find the need to kill additional big cats (which they want you to kill, as opposed to the little cats). There are three NPCs sitting on the beach (See picture). Jenna and Nova are young blood elf girls with cat companions named Kitty and Manny respectively. They are joined by Jessel, the perpetually slumbering adult who I can only assume is also the girls neglectful guardian (No one said Blood Elves were good parents. Just look how many Blood Elf orphans there are in Shattrath.) The only things these kids do is occassionally remark that they can see the Sunwell from the shore. Which actually is true. The outline of the Isle of Quel’Danas is visible from the shoreline.

What I can’t figure out is what they’re doing here? Is this some manner of day vacation for the kids? Taking them to an island overrun with mana wyrms, wild cats (the bad kind, not the mister kitty kind that these kids tote around), and unleashed ethereal beings running amok? Then on top of it all, the guy who I can only hope is supposed to be in charge of the two brats who seem to forget about the Sunwell as soon as they turn around, only to be shocked by its presence again, is sleeping amidst the wild cats. Don’t even get me started on why the heck Jessel is only wearing a pair of boxers while at the beach with two clearly pre-pubescent kids. I know the blood elves aren’t exactly known for the morality, what with the constant enslaving of things (Demons, Naaru, Gnomes), but even I don’t want to comprehend what they might consider to be the legal age of consent to be with their ever dwindling population. Yuck.

Blood Elves Are Crazy Cat Ladies

LOCATION: Sunstrider Isle, Eversong Woods

FACTION: Horde

My question comes from the very first building you ever encounter as a young blood elf, and it continues on throughout Northern Quel’thalas. What is with blood elves and cats? No matter where you go, there are cats running around, but not in the wilderness like other critters. The cats only wander around in buildings and other populated areas. They’re obviously domesticated, and they are infinite in number. Perhaps the people of Quel’thalas were really lonely being isolated from the world in the six years between the end of The Frozen Throne and the Burning Crusade. The all bought cats to deal with it. Then again, maybe the cats are a sign of the contamination of demon magic and they’ve begun to go crazy and collect cats as if they were trading cards. Gotta Catch’em All?

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