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Behold! The Secret of Warlock POWAH!

“We can’t call it ‘The Warlock Manual’!  Think of the negative press! Think of the angry letters! Think of all the ticked off mages!”

“Well, how about we add some of that time travel stuff those dumb mages like, and call it ‘DoT training’ instead?”

“That’ll work. No book-burning angry protestor ever looks past the cover anyway.”

Eet Moar Chiken!

Due to a software problem (Firefox crashing), the 2000 word post of the Warchief Debate between Basic Campfire and Garrosh Hellscream was reverted to a meager 78 words long.  A solution has been reached (I’m going back to using Safari) and the post should be up later this weekend, however where does that leave us?  Well, I feel the great need to appease my always amazing audience when awkward announcements arise, so enjoy this photo.

Not even sure I can come up with an adequate way to describe that picture.  It was one of the weirdest moments in the game that wasn’t the result of my twisted imagination.  I was just sticking some herbs in the bank to free up my bags and then this boomkin shows up in the window and starts saying that – over and over and over.  I laughed of course, it was hilarious! Made me wonder why people even bother with stupid cheap laughs like sparking order of operations debates or saying “anal [whatever]” in trade chat when they could do stuff like this.  Well, I suppose no one gets angry about it, so it’s probably a moot point in Trade Chat, but yea.

But that’s not the only weird screenshot I’ve dug up from the bowels of my hard drive.  There’s this one that I’ve whipped out especially for the poor misguided souls at Mana Obscura, I Sheep Things and Gnomeaggedon:

This is what happens when my guild asks me to boost moral while defending Halaa. They know me, they shouldn’t have been surprised when I bust out in a demon worshipping sermon – especially when there’s a podium right there! (Why is there a podium in Halaa? I always thought it was like the government radio bunker that you need to take over to control the media in the country while staging a coup.  But it’s a very short range radio.  ‘Cause it’s just a podium.)  So my magey friends, is this enough to make you see the dark? JOOOOIIIIN UUUUUSSSS…

Anyway, that’s all. Just some fun pics from my screenshot collection to tide everyone over until the Debate post is completely re-written because of fire-$#%&-fox. And again, my apologies!

A Wizard Did It: Stormwind Mage Quarter

“I meant to do that.” – Random Mage Flying Through a Window

Looks sane right? WRONG! (image courtesy of WoWwiki)

Perhaps taking a break in the serenity of nature will keep my mind off of the immense greed and corruption of the Trade District.  So a quick jaunt over to the Mage Quarter is in order.  The architecture is very different in this area compared to that of the Trade District, the buildings seem to be older, there is a distinct purple motif (I blame Dalaran for the whole Mage = Purple mentality), and the roads are all paved in grass.

What?!  Who in their right mind thought this would be a good idea?!  I can understand the mentality of having grass roads in The Park (We’ll get to that fruitcake factory in a bit), but at what point did the Stormwind designers sit there and say “Mages like grass right?” “Oh yea! They use that arcane magic… which is from like nature and stuff right?”  Surely, no logical train of thought could reach the conclusion that grass roads are appropriate here.  Luckily (or unluckily), the lack of logic does not stop at the roads.  Shall we?

Only You Can Prevent Start Fires!

You would think in a district that is mostly covered in grass in a city that has already been burned to ground once, controlling outbreaks of fire would be a priority.  You would be wrong.  In the corner of the Mage Quarter is a small shop that is simply called ‘Pyrotechnics.’  What do they sell?  Things that start fires, of course!  More specifically: fireworks.

Judging from the overall lack of stock in the shop (in comparison to the majority of shops in Stormwind), business is not doing well.  Even the shop owner, Darian Singh, looks a little depressed about it.  Now, I am not a business expert by any means.  Heck, my auction house profits were noticably low this last quarter (Damn battered hilt impulse buying).  But if you are going to open a shop that sells fireworks (I should say firework, cause all he actually has in stock is the red fireworks and a schematic for the blue fireworks), you might not want to do it in the second most flamable area in Stormwind.  Just a hunch.

I actually want to know why he did it.  What was the deal he must have scored to decide to open up a fireworks shop here.  Maybe the rent is really low?  That would work.  It would explain the abundance of poorly kept and redundant shops in the Mage Quarter (How many Herbalism shops are there in Stormwind?)  Maybe it’s  an attempt to appeal to the mage audience.  After all, they shoot fireballs.  Fireworks are kind of like fireballs.  So maybe there’s an appeal there.  But if mages (AND warlocks) can shoot fire, why would they want to buy fake fireballs?

Is it for the mage wannabes?  People who aren’t mages or warlocks but want to act like them?  Do such people exist?  Well I suppose if there’s a tauren who wants to be a rogue, it can’t be out of the realm of possibilities for there to be people who want to be mages.  Still, seems like a weak premise to invest in starting an entire shop for.  At least it explains the lack of business.

Could I Interest You in a Skull or a Rabbit?

Even if Pyrotechnics is a stupid idea for a shop, at least I know what they sell.  There is another shop in the Mage Quarter called Ancient Curios.  Now this shop, I have no idea.  Technically, they sell reagents but there is no possible way you would know that from simply looking inside.  The place is decorated with skulls from various animals in Kalimdor, strange looking weapons, alchemical supplies and there’s a rabbit sitting on the counter.

Every other shop in Stormwind, you can usually gather what they sell by their surroundings.  Herbalism shops are full of flowers, the weapon shops have racks of swords and axes, and tailoring shops have fine clothing on display.  But what does having some weird staves and a couple of plainstrider skulls have to do with magical trinkets? I mean, I can kind of see the alchemy stuff being related to reagents, but that’s about it.

I really don’t get the rabbit though.  Are they going for a Magician’s Rabbit thing?  That it’s supposed to hop out of a hat or something?  But there is no hat.  None.  So what’s the deal with the rabbit?  It’s never addressed. It just sits there.  More importantly it sits on the same table as the weapons, alchemy supplies and skulls.  So…  can I buy the rabbit?  Is the rabbit a reagent?  What spell uses a rabbit as a reagent?!  I will admit, I haven’t played every class in the game to max level.  So I don’t want to rule this option out.

Maybe it’s for a druid form?  You wanna switch to cat form, but your cat form doesn’t want to… um… emerge because it’s hungry.  Use the rabbit to lure it out!  Or maybe its used for a special mage portal.  You know, like the rabbit in a hat trick.  I would try to imagine what a warlock would use it for but that becomes very disturbing, very quickly.

I actually thought the rabbit was the vendor at first.  Magic spell gone wrong or something.  It would explain why no one had bothered to clean the massive cobwebs that had formed around the shop.  But no, the rabbit isn’t the shop keep. It’s just a rabbit.  That stares at me.  And never blinks.  I’m not shopping here anymore.

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MageFAQs

Location: Various Book Spawn Points, Dalaran

Faction: Neutral

This is one I stumbled upon on my tedious waiting for Higher Learning.  It’s essentially a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions for those who are pondering the acronym and don’t often peruse for free game guides on the internet).  My favorite is the one from the picture: if you having trouble casting, you may be dehydrated and need some water.  Ha! Self referential humor is classic! Good show Blizzard, good show…

But this also raises some questions.  Why the heck is this book in Dalaran?  The MAGE city.  Every single citizen of this town is a wizard in some respect, why the heck have a Wizarding for Dummies book sitting around in a city of people who don’t need it?  Wouldn’t this be better in places like Stormwind’s library, or the Undercity?  Or shall we toss some Cataclysm speculation in and have it turn up in Darnassus!

Oh I weep for the unfortunate Night Elf to get caught with a copy of Mages 101 under his mattress.  Blushing in shame as they mumble and try to explain to his or her parents about they sometimes they just get these urges to cast an arcane missile, and how all their friends are trying it.  Maybe they’ll try and turn the tables and say that when their parents were younger (a few thousand years ago) they were doing it too.  Then the parents will go on the defensive, saying how young and naive they were… and how it almost destroyed their entire world.  I’d pay to watch that conversation.

The point is, while the humor is fun, I don’t get why a city known for their wizardry would need such a basic book.  Does Dalaran have some kind of remedial wizarding classes?  I figured that’s the class that Windle Sparkshine is in.  How low do you have to sink to be put on candle lighter duty?  He’s got to have some bad grades to land that job.  My impression was that Dalaran was the city where the magic university was, not the magic grade school.  Which honestly is more along the lines of the trainers in Kharanos or Goldshire would be.  This book doesn’t belong in Dalaran.  At all. Ever.

Oddly, it spawns in place of a book required to get the Mastery book sometimes.  So this actually might be a subtle hint that you’re not ready for “master” level wizardry yet.  It’s like when you leave the Christmas Sears catalog – toys circled – in your parents room to entice them to take notice of what you want from them. What? I can’t be the only one who did that.  Seriously?  Whatever.  Anyway, this book is spawning to tell you that you are a dumb mage that needs more schooling.  Are you gonna take that from some snooty wizards?

I would tell them to meet you down in the Underbelly for a magic duel to settle this.  And when they’re distracted with casting some of their fancy better-than-you magic…   SWEEP THE LEG!*

*Oddcraft does not support despicable acts that make Mr. Miyagi sad.  We do however support the utter beat down of mages. Because vending machines should not talk back.**

**Despite being the only writer on this site, the views expressed on this site are not those shared by Vrykerion. He likes mages.  Port to Dal plz?

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