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Link: Nintendo’s Biggest Jerk?

Alright, confession time folks.  I never finished Twilight Princess.  *dodges thrown vegetables and a shoe* I know, I know.  To be fair, it wasn’t because it was a bad game or anything.  In fact, I rather enjoyed it gameplay wise.  The story wasn’t bad either.  I really liked Midna.  Still, there was something.  Something that drove me nuts every time I played that game.  For the longest time I couldn’t put my finger on it, but then one day it came to me.  I hate Link.

Oh yes, Link.  The legendary fantasy hero of the Nintendo that has defended the land of Hyrule for like 20 years now.  Why do I hate him?  Does it have anything to do with my burning hate of generic faceless and voiceless protagonists like Gordon Freeman (who only taunts you with it by somehow managing to get every female he comes in contact with to develop amorous feelings toward him without saying a single bloody word!  Despite the fact that he is obviously out of shape.  Go ahead. Look down in Half Life.  Fat old Freeman can’t even see his toes.)  No, it wasn’t that.  Because this problem is centralized only on Twilight Princess.  So what is it that this mute fairy boy have in that game that he doesn’t in any other Zelda game?

Well how about a complete lack of any and all emotion?! Annoying little brat doesn’t show the slightest bit of empathy for the majority of the game.  In fact he has three emotions: Default Link (Grimace), Happy Link (slightly upturned scowl), and Surprised Link (Open mouth gaping grimace).  That’s the entire emotional range of this kid.  Heck, he shows more emotion in his wolf form than his human form.  This is what I couldn’t stand in Twilight Princess more than anything!  Even in the worse of circumstances, our “Hero” comes off as a unemotional sadist like so:

It’s that stupid face that drove me from this game!  That moronic vacant stare that is present in almost every cut scene in the game, regardless of the context in which that scene takes place.  I know that they never want to give Link a voice because that would clash with everyone’s perception of how Link thinks and speaks (Which is NOT a bad idea, considering the utterly painful experience that was Metroid: Other M) but would it kill you to give the kid some personality?  Hannibal Lecter showed more empathy for people than this twerp.

I suppose it could be worse though.  This is a basic summary of Link’s epic journey on my sister’s play-through of the game:

Yeesh.

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