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MageFAQs

Location: Various Book Spawn Points, Dalaran

Faction: Neutral

This is one I stumbled upon on my tedious waiting for Higher Learning.  It’s essentially a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions for those who are pondering the acronym and don’t often peruse for free game guides on the internet).  My favorite is the one from the picture: if you having trouble casting, you may be dehydrated and need some water.  Ha! Self referential humor is classic! Good show Blizzard, good show…

But this also raises some questions.  Why the heck is this book in Dalaran?  The MAGE city.  Every single citizen of this town is a wizard in some respect, why the heck have a Wizarding for Dummies book sitting around in a city of people who don’t need it?  Wouldn’t this be better in places like Stormwind’s library, or the Undercity?  Or shall we toss some Cataclysm speculation in and have it turn up in Darnassus!

Oh I weep for the unfortunate Night Elf to get caught with a copy of Mages 101 under his mattress.  Blushing in shame as they mumble and try to explain to his or her parents about they sometimes they just get these urges to cast an arcane missile, and how all their friends are trying it.  Maybe they’ll try and turn the tables and say that when their parents were younger (a few thousand years ago) they were doing it too.  Then the parents will go on the defensive, saying how young and naive they were… and how it almost destroyed their entire world.  I’d pay to watch that conversation.

The point is, while the humor is fun, I don’t get why a city known for their wizardry would need such a basic book.  Does Dalaran have some kind of remedial wizarding classes?  I figured that’s the class that Windle Sparkshine is in.  How low do you have to sink to be put on candle lighter duty?  He’s got to have some bad grades to land that job.  My impression was that Dalaran was the city where the magic university was, not the magic grade school.  Which honestly is more along the lines of the trainers in Kharanos or Goldshire would be.  This book doesn’t belong in Dalaran.  At all. Ever.

Oddly, it spawns in place of a book required to get the Mastery book sometimes.  So this actually might be a subtle hint that you’re not ready for “master” level wizardry yet.  It’s like when you leave the Christmas Sears catalog – toys circled – in your parents room to entice them to take notice of what you want from them. What? I can’t be the only one who did that.  Seriously?  Whatever.  Anyway, this book is spawning to tell you that you are a dumb mage that needs more schooling.  Are you gonna take that from some snooty wizards?

I would tell them to meet you down in the Underbelly for a magic duel to settle this.  And when they’re distracted with casting some of their fancy better-than-you magic…   SWEEP THE LEG!*

*Oddcraft does not support despicable acts that make Mr. Miyagi sad.  We do however support the utter beat down of mages. Because vending machines should not talk back.**

**Despite being the only writer on this site, the views expressed on this site are not those shared by Vrykerion. He likes mages.  Port to Dal plz?

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Give This One A Hand

This is hands down one of the weirdest things I've seen in a shop so far.

Location: Arsenal Absolute, Dalaran

Faction: Neutral

You gotta give a hand to these guys.  I don’t know if they got it off someone they caught stealing red-handed but just seeing it displayed so prominently gives me a shake.  I’m surprised that the no authorities have asked them to hand it over just to check it for fingerprints.  Though considering they are weapons dealers, I wouldn’t be surprised if it came to fisticuffs over anyone laying a hand on their prized possession here.

Okay, okay, okay.  I’ll stop with the terrible hand jokes, but this thing did make me do a double-take when I first saw it.  Just goes to show you that you haven’t seen everything yet.  Sitting on the counter is a prosthetic arm in an elaborate jar.  Do I even need to repeat that?  I don’t even know where it came from.  All of the employees seem to have all of their limbs firmly attached, and it doesn’t seem to be any kind of fist weapon.  If it is, I severely doubt it’s usefulness. The best part is that every now and then it twitches!  Now I have to know where this thing came from.

I imagine there’s probably a great story behind it too.  Wouldn’t you think?  Granted, my mind jumps to thoughts of Reservoir Dogs, but I’m sure everyone has met a relative or someone missing a body part.  There’s always a story to go along with that.  And this thing is in a jar! A jar for pete’s sake!  There are lots of things in the game that come in jars, but none of them get me as fascinated as this thing.  It could be Tyr’s missing hand, or maybe Vezax’s other hand, or maybe both!

The most likely story is that it belonged to some unfortunate soul you questioned the quality of the store’s primary product: Big sharp things. The store probably held on to it as an example of exactly how top notch their blades are.  Is that something people are really proud of?  “Our weapons are so sharp, they severed someone’s arm off while they were window shopping!”  While I will admit that is a great endorsement for how sharp your big sharp things are, I don’t think that it’s a successful way to drum in new business.  I don’t know too many people who go out shopping thinking that the place that someone got crushed by giant television is the best place to peruse.  Maybe they’ll just stick with Amazon, or a store that doesn’t stack their TVs so hazardously.

Personally, I would have just went with a sign that says “Do Not Touch.”

Whats In a Last Name?

Location: Dalaran, Crystalsong Forest

Faction: Neutral

If there has ever been a point to envy the NPCs of Azeroth, it’s the fact they can have last names.  Sylvannus Windrunner, Muradin Bronzebeard, Cairne Bloodhoof…  even the random people in the inns can have last names.  But the players? Nope.  Never.  Closest we get is Titles, and as much as I enjoy being called Loremaster Exil or Bloodsail Admiral Vrykerion, it’s not exactly the same thing as Exil Williams or Vrykerion Thoriallus.

So it strikes me as interesting when an NPC doesn’t have a last name.  Sometimes it can be a cultural thing.  But when a well known figure who does have a last name chooses to not show it…  I kinda start getting curious.  Such is the nature of one Rhonin of the Kirin Tor.  He sits in Dalaran, saying next to nothing. He gives out one quest for a dungeon, and sends a box of potions for dinging 80.  All the while, the sole name RHONIN hanging over his head.

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