Category Archives: Oddities
All the Strange Things Collected Thus Far
Location: The Secret Lab, Azshara
Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown… the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day in Azshara and the creature only known as… Subject Nine.
For those who are not familiar with Subject Nine, here’s the low down. Subject Nine is a raptor that was given a hat and made into a super genius by the goblin scientist Hobart Grapplehammer (Who belongs to the ‘Oh Why the Hell Not’ school of scientific thinking). You encounter her in the secret lab and assist her in rounding up some of her younglings and shooting them off into space on Nine’s spaceship that she designed: The Velocistar. It’s a quick chain of quests that gives its share of nods, in the usual tone of goblin quirkiness, to pop culture references (Nine’s Plan to Outer Space.)
So what exactly is so odd about this? Well, first of all, I’m fairly curious where the heck Subject Nine came from originally. There’s one point in Kezan where we see her, which means she originally comes from the South Seas. Were raptors a normal thing on pre-volcano’d Kezan? Did they roam the alleys of the Undermine? I know we get to see raptors on the Lost Isles, but there’s no way of telling how close or far the Lost Isles are to Kezan (Okay, there is an in game map that shows them being fairly close together, but that map also puts them within spitting distance of the Maelstrom, so I’m not exactly inclined to believe that it’s a very realistic map). Further more the raptors on the Lost Isles look like Outland Raptors (Well… that kills any theory of them being two species that developed on separate worlds. Now Blizz, explain to me why there FRICKIN’ RAPTORS IN OUTLAND?! Cause you’ve killed my last theory now.) and Subject Nine has the appearance of a Barrens raptor (More notable, a Sunscale raptor).
I’m not opposed to thinking that goblins, the top dogs when it comes to intercontinental travel in Azeroth, would have shipped in some raptors for experimentation. In fact they mention it in one of the quests at the Secret Lab that they DID get them from the Barrens (Her mate – Subject Four – appears to be a Bloodtalon raptor from Durotar). So apparently they got a bunch of raptor eggs and dragged them all the way back to Kezan and then amidst their island being blown up, being sold off to slavery and then crash landing on another island before coming to Kalimdor, Hobart Grapplehammer dragged around a baby raptor (That we NEVER see on the Lost Isles). I’m sorry but this whole thing just reeks of ‘plot hole’. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking anything the goblins do this seriously, but Subject Nine creates some of the most blaring plot holes while leveling from 1-20 as a goblin than any other sole character in Warcraft (with the possible exception of Ronin).
The other issue I had with this whole thing is why choose a raptor to make into a super genius? Raptors are the smartest beasts in WoW already! Don’t believe me? Do some questing in the Northern Barrens – They systematically attack and rob a caravan! They steal the silver from it and run off into the wild. So not only can they outwit and tactically best an armed horde wagon, but also know that silver is apparently worth something as it’s the only thing they took, and then hauled it back off to their encampment. Yes, I said encampment. The raptors in the barrens have set up their own little camps and have started to forge their own little societies. Why are we now deciding to give them the means to build and construct super weapons and send themselves to other worlds? This is just so unethical… so terrifying… and as sad as I am to say it, so very, very goblin.
Still wouldn’t scientific curiosity insist on more of a challenge of taking something smart and making it smarter? How about more of a challenge? Like maybe a crab or a tauren? When you give a species that prides itself of cunning, tactical murder and then give it the means to out think its creator (As Subject Nine actually fixes several errors with the original goblin design for the space craft), one can only hope that it sees us as worthy to be kept as pet. Just perhaps, on your way to the Crossroads, something will pass you in the dark, and you will never know it… for it may be a raptor from outer space.
Down in a gorge, I found the strangest thing.
Back in a corner, trying not to freeze,
I found the Lorax! He who speaks for the trees!
He is a bit taller than in that book that I read,
But despite his demonic appearance he did not want me dead.
He simply stood around glaring while his imp friend sold treats,
I felt sorry for him getting covered in sleet.
Thus I picked up my bow and fought through waves of elementals,
who respawned quite fast and it began to drive me mental.
But I finally reached the old Lorax and his little imp friend,
And paused but for a moment to think of how this conversation should begin.
I decided to ask how he came to be here,
and he just looked at me with a satyrical sneer.
He opened his mouth, out came fearful words of doom:
“Amir gul xi azrathud, karkun.”
After that I simply nodded and left the gorge,
Swearing not to come back, even if I was bored.
But on the way back to town, a quest giver gave me a goal,
To kill some named elemental back in that damned hole!
Do you ever get the feeling that Blizzard reads your blog and has decided to respond to it?
I’m starting to…
As I opened my last loot sack from the Horseman, and watched tearfully as nothing came out but a flimsy orc mask and a couple dozen points, I began to ponder the holiday in a much grander scheme. Hallow’s End is supposed to be the Azerothian equivalent of Halloween right? But it is a bit different now isn’t it – especially in its origins. While, yes, historically before the rise of the scourge and the Third War, Hallow’s End was a popular holiday in Lordaeron. Typically used to celebrate the end of the harvest season, then when the Forsaken declared their independence from the greater whole of the Scourge, they used the holiday (as much of them I imagine were from Lordaeron) to celebrate that instead. Sort of a Forsaken 4th of July or something. So it makes sense for the Forsaken to observe the holiday every year. However, I don’t understand why everyone else is Azeroth also celebrates it.
Did the Alliance decide to still celebrate it as a form of celebration of the harvest? Then what exactly is the Harvest Festival that happens in September? Is that not there to celebrate the Harvest? It’s not, you say? It’s for celebrating the fallen soldiers in battle? Then why the heck is it called a “Harvest Festival” if it has absolutely nothing to do the actual harvest? Well, what about Pilgrim’s Bounty? Don’t try to explain to me that somehow it’s to celebrate the first Alliance to settle on Kalimdor and make peace with the natives by lying about how well it went to make it seem a bit more pleasant for the children. If you’re shaking your head at this, and you should be, it’s because the official lore behind the Pilgrim’s Bounty is zilch. Nada. Non-existent. The only purpose of the holiday is to eat and eat all the lovely food and is roughly modeled around the United States holiday of Thanksgiving (and to level cooking.) Which surprisingly enough is celebrated in the fashion of, and partly is meant to be, A HARVEST FESTIVAL.
So the Alliance have a Harvest Festival that has nothing to do with the harvest, an actual harvest festival called ‘Pilgrim’s Bounty’ (Still waiting to figure out where and when the heck that either the Alliance OR Horde had pilgrims that just happened to wear puritan pilgrim clothing like in our world) and yet somehow we’re expected to believe that the humans, dwarves, night elves and even the otherworldly draenei have all taken up the tradition of celebrating the Lordaeron Harvest Festival at the same time as the Forsaken. In order to “take it back” perhaps? Because your people obviously are hurting for Holidays involving the harvest season.
The Horde celebrating it makes a bit more sense. The Forsaken are all over the place, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the holiday had spread out a bit because of it. Still, seems odd for the Tauren to get behind a Forsaken holiday, doesn’t it? I would think they’d be the first to slap down a full out ban on Hallow’s End treats in their territories and rally protests and complaints (I always picture a Tauren sitting on a bench eyeing a Forsaken from afar and muttering to his friend, “Sometimes dead is better.”) They are usually not very fond of the Forsaken and their “habits.” Which brings to mind another question, do you think the Church of Light has an issue with Hallow’s End? Would they still consider it a “devil holiday” like some denominations of the Christian faith do in our world? Can’t see how they could really. After all, the “devils” or demons of Azeroth are all very real, and people know what they look like, heck they’ve probably stabbed quite a few over the years. It’s pretty obvious that the entire holiday is more of a “Scourge” thing than a “Burning Legion” thing (Loremasters: I am completely aware of how the two are related historically, but this a strictly post-Lich King quitting the Legion’s plan thing.) Now that I think about it, that might explain why all the masks and costumes are just other races in Azeroth. If I was constantly assaulted by demons and dragons all day, I’d dress up as something a bit more pleasant, like your neighbors. It helps that your neighbors happen to be gnomes, aliens, and orcs as well I suppose.
Still I can’t imagine that the Church of the Light would be okay with the participation of a holiday which is mainly observed by the undead. Even if they’re willing to over look it a little because it once was a holiday observed in old Lordaeron, it’s frickin Zombie 4th of July now! I suppose it’s a bit odd that I actually want the Church of the Light to negatively respond to the holiday, but I think it would be so much fun. They could create a Hell House for it and everything that shows Alliance children the horrible and frightening “truth” to being undead. They could even hold in the abandoned Argent Dawn office across the plaza from the Cathedral! (What? It’s not like they’re using it. They formed the Argent Crusade now, and besides, those heathens even let undead into their organization!) Can’t you imagine the fun it would be as they explain how doing things like “hanging out with orcs” or “abusing Blood Elf magics” could be unwillingly steering them down the path to undeath? Come on, we can all think of cheesy anti-Horde or anti-Alliance propaganda and Hallow’s End seems like a great time to express it since it’s our Azerothian flip side to the “Devil’s Holiday” here on Earth!
So those are just some of my thoughts on the past holiday we’ve had. I apologize for not being more frequent with my updates but October has been slamming me with a ton of extra things I’ve had to do in my personal life. I’ve got myself on a bit more of a rigid guideline for November though: at least 1 post per week and a new Video Oddity. So look forward to a bit less sparse posting here at OddCraft, and expect a lot more when Cataclysm comes in December. After all, the Tales of Vrykerion are about to begin…
Where? Stormwind Canals
Have I got a whale of a tale for ya. It ain’t no fish story either. More of a boot story really. You see, down in the canals of Stormwind city there are a pair of young men – Billy and Adam. Two young boys who seem the same as any of the other children running about Stormwind. They’re young, cheerful and enjoy their fishing. However, if you follow these two around you’ll quickly notice somethings amiss. Either Billy is a pathological liar or Adam is the most skeptical grade schooler I’ve ever seen.
Billy likes to tell fishing stories. Most are akin to the stories you hear all the time about fishing. You know, “I caught one THIS big” or “It was the catch of the lifetime and it got away from me.” Or something like that. I don’t fish much. I suck at it in real life. Don’t judge me. Anyway, Billy’s stories tend to have a grain of truth in them. A golden fish that grants 3 wishes, a fish big enough to eat a man whole, or fish that walk on land and hunt – all have a bit of something that’s actually in the game somewhere. I haven’t the slightest clue how he actually knows these things, the only time he’s apparently been away from Stormwind was when he was at camp (and caught a fish bigger than he was!) and if camp is teaching kids about giant monster fish, it’s come a long way since singing the ‘Cat Came Back’ and eating Lunchables. The only hint we ever get to where he might have learned all this is that he will sometimes mention his father, who is never named or seen, and since Billy has no last name in the game, fat chance trying to track him down in the city registry.
Heck the only person in the world that would have some of this weird esoteric knowledge of fishing (and didn’t have internet access and knowledge of WoWwiki or WoWhead) would be Nat Pagle. That creepy fisherman who lives in some manner of self-appointed exile on an island in Dustwallow Marsh. Could he be Billy’s father? Sure. Why not. Then again any adult human male could be Billy’s father. Heck there’s another hermit fishing dude off in the corner of Westfall. The only reason Nat could even be considered for speculation for Billy’s dad is that Nat is probably the only well known fisherman who could possibly know about things like Tethyr or a mystical “golden fish” that could grant wishes (To be fair, Mr. Pinchy does drop in the same waters that Golden Darters swim in.) I mean we are talking about the man who knew the whereabouts of the Ashbringer (The Ashbringer… the Ashbriner… there I did for you) way before Naxxramas arrived in Vanilla. Even the Shendralar learned about it because of Nat Pagle’s book. So maybe he is Billy’s real father.
That is unless Adam knows something that we don’t. See, Billy’s friend Adam is eternally chained to Billy’s side. He’s heard every one of these stories a few hundred times already and he’s clearly not impressed. In fact, he doesn’t even believe Billy. Even worse, Billy’s non stop mouth seems to be constantly scaring the fish in the canals off so Adam can’t catch anything. To be fair, if I were Adam, they would have found Billy’s body in the canals ages ago with a fishing pole through him (We at OddCraft do not condone child murder. We do however find poetic justice hilarious.) I might wager that since these two are constantly hanging out that they probably know each other, and I’m assuming they know each other’s parents. The fact that Adam isn’t willing to believe that Billy could catch a boot, let alone what Billy’s Dad supposedly told him speaks pretty loudly to the idea that Billy’s father is not Nat Pagle, Billy is just an idiot who happens to coincidentally be correct.
Then again, I suppose that they both could be orphans. Which would explain Adam’s frustrations, and bring up a lot of questions about Billy’s mental health. After all, walking talking fish on land is just a myth… Like yetis… or Dragons.
Poor poor insane Billy.
One Hundred Oddities ago I started a little blog for me to tell my silly stories and post my strange little theories so some jolly ‘net wanderer might get a few chuckles from it. 100 Oddities later, I have my own web site, I have regular readers, and I have a twitter! So for 100 oddities of sheer wacky, demented fun, I say thank you to everyone who has every come across my site, to my regular readers an especially big thank you. That being said, let’s proceed to my 100th Oddity…
Back when I first started this site, there was one weird thing that I had seen while traversing Northrend that I was determined to save for something special. It was one unexplained thing that started all of these thoughts and desires to explore all the other unexplained things in Azeroth. Just off the southern coast of the Dragonblight, along where the Path of the Titans shatters and sinks deep into the ocean floor, there is a massive dragon skeleton. So big, that you can actually see it on the mini map. This colossal dragon of unknown origin was the progenitor for all of Oddcraft, so with that said, I’d like to give you my very special 100th Oddity… video:
Thank you all for 100 great fun posts! Here’s looking forward to the end of the Warchief Election next month, and the next 100 weird things we dig up together! (Speaking of digging up… Archeology Oddities… Oh yes…)
Where? Valley of Bones, Desolace
I have a bone to pick with Cataclysm. It’s a punch to the rib cage with all the changes it’s making to the Old World and I’m rattling my skull trying to think of all of the weird ones I need to cover before the big patch comes and leaves me picking what’s left off the bones of these ideas. That being said, I’ve always been captivated with the large skeletons embedded in the walls of southern Desolace. I mean, there are a lot of stray bones in Azeroth, mostly of creatures you’ll never be able to figure out who or what they were. Heck, just take a trot further south to Silithus. It’s bone central! But these two skeletons are interesting because they seem to help tie an idea together that is deeply embedded in WoW lore, and kind have gotten concistently swept underneath the rug in favor of less subtle lore, like the God of Death hanging out in a Titan basement and Arthas’ not shutting the hell up about his crappy plan that is doomed to fail. So today we explore the mystery that is… The Dead Goliaths.
The Dead Goliaths, sometimes called the Twin Goliath (Not to be confused with the slightly less mysterious, more natural phenomon known as the Twin Colossus, which is further south in Feralas) have actually been a subject of some discussion. The general idea is that they were giant naga that fell in battle, either to each other or to dozens of centaur soldiers (as demonstrated by the arrows in their armor). Though it could be that the large targets proved to be useful as target practice for the Centaur and they had nothing to do with the destruction of the Dead Goliaths. But that’s the exact problem here, we know NOTHING about these things. We have nothing to go off of except for the remains. There’s no text that references them directly, in fact the only time they are mentioned in a quest is as a visual landmark, a simple sign for players to tell them “KILL TEH SKELETONS HERE GUYZ LOL!” However, they are mentioned in the Warcraft RPG books as an entry made by one Brann Bronzebeard in his explorations of Kalimdor, where he notes that they are: “bones of Old Gods.” There’s that name again – Old Gods. It seems to turn up as often as Twisting Nether only it carries much more weight because it tends to refer to a very specific thing, instead of an easy deus ex machina.
As I said before, most people have assumed that these two creatures are massive naga. While the connection between the Old Gods and the naga is well known, as well as the naga’s presence across the ocean shore of Desolace, I’m not entirely convinced that they are the same creature. My case for this stems mostly from the most overused plot device in any crime mystery: forensics. More importantly, the teeth on these things. Naga do not have fangs like these two goliaths do. They tend to have rows of sharp teeth of approximately the same size in their mouths, similar to that of a moray eel, where these creatures clearly have the teeth similar to that of a snake, with two large fangs. Not only that, but we’ve never seen a naga this big. Ever. Not even hints of one. Surely if naga grew this big, they would have used them before this point somewhere ( …Okay, there is Naj’entus. He’s pretty big. Maybe. MAYBE. But then there’s the whole teeth thing.)
However, there is another creature with teeth like that and while it’s a little smaller, it’s size does not extend beyond the possibilities of slightly larger variations. Another creature that Brann Bronzebeard had also described once as an ‘Old God.’ An ancient and powerful creature of unknown origin and unknown species. Oh come on, you must have thought of it by now. Heck I know half of you thought of it as soon as you saw the picture for these things. Hakkar! Hakkar the Soulflayer from Zul’Gurub. You can’t tell me the dead goliaths aren’t a dead ringer for the blood god. Which raises so many fun questions about Hakkar. Was he truly an Old God, or a servant of the Old Gods similar to that of the Faceless Ones or the Qiraji? If there were more than one, are there even more out there? Is that whats sitting underneath the basement of Gundrak?! So many questions! But I’m only going to discuss one today. How these two things got here.
Regardless of how they died, be it centaur, boredom or chilling in a valley having a cup of joe the moment the Sundering occurred, I want to know exactly what two giant snake people wanted in Desolace. It sure as hell wasn’t to take in the scenery. When you boil it down, there are the only 3 major features in Desolace: The Burning Legion area, the centaur area, and the satyr area. All of which are scattered with a combination of Highbourne and Titan ruins. So which of these things would two giant snake monsters want? Well, they could want to sign on with the Burning Legion. It’s a futile pointless effort, since Burning Legion is not an equal opportunity employer and they probably don’t provide dental since I don’t think any of their forces actually have teeth (Felhunters have beaks… Maybe? I don’t know) and that’s a huge downside for giant snake people.
If the giant snake people do turn out to be naga, it would give them a reason to talk to the satyr. They have similar origins, both being corrupted people. Maybe they were on their way to a weekly meeting of Corrupted Elves Anonymous. “Hi, I’m a gigantic horrible snake beast, and I’m a corrupted elf.” “Hi gigantic horrible snake beast.” While I’m not sure how canonical that is, but it does create some awesome mental images of a bunch of monsters sitting around a fire and one crying as it has a ‘moment’. The only other group is the centaur and the only thing I could possibly think that the snake people would want with the centaur is food. Seriously. There really isn’t a lot of advantages to dealing with those things. They’re a bunch of cannibalistic half-elemental fruit loops that have nothing better to do than to run around and fight anything they run into, even each other. Is there anything to be gained here for a giant snake monster? I mean, besides a quick snack. By which I mean eat them. Hey, it would explain why they would shoot arrows at you at least.
Where? The Burning Steppes
You ever notice that there’s always been a strong association with fighting and dogs? And I don’t mean in the abusive illegal Michael Vick kind of way (See that? That’s topical humor right there. Well, for me at least). But on an Alliance quest in the heart of the Burning Steppes, you are given the task of collecting 50 (Yup. Fifty.) Blackrock Medallions from the orcs of the Blackrock clan around the area. Sounded pretty simple, so I head off and start whacking orcs left and right. But then there’s also these worgs that the orcs have around, and you won’t believe it, they drop the medals too. The hell?
So are the worgs part of the Blackrock forces? I mean, I know that they are the pets of the Blackrock clan and are used as guard dogs or sentries and often follow around the orcs to assist in battle much as a hunter’s pet would, but are these medals to indicate that the beasts actual hold some manner of rank? Is there a separate chain of command for the worgs? Do the newbie orcs and wolves start out in the same place? I can imagine the boot camp must have been pretty dog eat dog (/rimshot). It kind of makes me wonder about promotions. Do you think a worg could ever become an officer? I can only imagine there’s a pretty harsh concrete ceiling to military ranks for canines. However, seeing General Spuds MacKenzie delivering a speech to a mountain full of orcs is an awesome mental image.
I suppose the other possibility would be that the worgs actually started eating the orcs and thus would have the medals, but I really can’t see the orcs continuing to use animals that would routinely just eat them. Seems slightly counter productive in my opinion. I mean, orcs aren’t stupid. Ogres maybe, but certainly not orcs. So the medals have to be for the worgs (granted, that idea doesn’t help my previously stated case that orcs aren’t stupid) but what were they for? Did the worgs see some action and earn the medals? Maybe there was an all wolf platoon during the Second War. A down and dirty group of dogs of war that fought in the trenches with their orc allies to end the Alliance’s tyranny of… um… giving the table scraps to the cats? Humans do seem to have a pretty strong cat theme going, whether it’s Stormwind or Dalaran, there are cats to be found. So maybe that’s why the worgs signed on with the Blackrock orcs?
Okay, but how long does a worg live? The Second War (the last time the Blackrock’s actually participated in a war) was years ago, these have got to be some pretty old dogs. You think they all sit around, play cards, and drink toilet water, while swapping old war stories around a fold up card table on Thursday nights? Maybe they sit on park benches around the desolate and flaming landscape under the shadow of Blackrock Mountain talking about how their generation had real discipline and knew the value of hard work and these young pups just sit around in their Spire, listening to their hip hop and walking around in circles doing nothing.
Ultimately, I think this about treating the dogs as equal to the other orcs. Something that Genn Greymane probably would have approved of, before he kind of became part doggy himself. Hey! There ya go, Genn! Forget the Alliance that you /gquit all those years ago and join up with the Blackrock Orcs! They hate the Horde (The New Horde at least, beggars can’t be choosers) and I hear their boss is coming back soon. It’s the perfect opportunity for you! They like to be mean and nasty to things they don’t like too! So then we’ll have a worg platoon, and the worgen platoon, and they can all chase the cats up trees together! It might even prevent the worgen from becoming the most overplayed race since Blood Elves!
…ah, who am I kidding? /rolls worgen.
I know probably the most futile thing I keep hoping for in World of Warcraft is continuity. I can get behind lore that changes as time moves on (What do you mean the World isn’t flat? Retcon, I say! RETCON!), I can understand discovering something that vastly changes how we previously understood things (Vrykul is human! Human is vrykul!) and I will even support a radical change in character if it seems legitimately within reason (Screw you, my people. With the demons now. Luvz, Kael’Thas). What I can’t understand is when something pops up for no reason and with no explanation, and we’re all supposed to run with it simply because it is a neat idea. Case in point? King Dred.
Most people I’ve pointed this out simply respond with “So? There’s raptors everywhere.” True. There are raptors everywhere. Stranglethorn, Durotar, Blade’s Edge, Zul’Drak. There isn’t a piece of land that we’ve visited that doesn’t have raptors. But what about Pterrodaxes? Where are they found? What about the Stegodons? Hmmm? That’s right. Only in the Un’Goro Crater. What else is in the Un’Goro Crater? Devilsaurs. Do they have any business being somewhere else? Well, that depends actually.
We know that there is a direct connection between Sholazar and Un’Goro, we’ve all been through the Waygate (totally different than a Stargate or Fargate) and I don’t find it that unreasonable that the occasional devilsaur could wander through and end up in Sholazar. However, Zul’Drak is on the opposite side of Northrend. How did a bunch of trolls drag one all the way there? Why are they keeping it in a not-really-fenced off area of Drak’Tharon Keep? There is no Devilsaur in ANY incarnation of the Troll pantheon that we’ve seen thus far. Maybe they think it’s just a big raptor and wanted to ride it.
However, devilsaurs seem to have a weird way of showing up in places that they have no place being – like in Netherstorm – but I’m still able to concoct a better B.S. reasoning for it than King Drek. Why? Because I can blame the whole thing on the Twisting Nether! It has the power to instantly fill plot holes! There’s tons of stuff in those domes that have no business being there. Like lynxes, moths, or crocolisks (there’s also more raptors, but they are the Outland species of Raptor). Actually my assumption was that they were brought there by either the Blood Elves, or the Ethereals for some unknown purpose (Zoo? But there’s only one devilsaur in Outland, how is it going to breed?) but even if that’s still stretching it… Twisting! Nether! (Blizz gets to do it, so do I)
The amazingly simplistic reason that Blizz themselves have given for King Drek being stuck in a place that has no explanation for it: “T-Rex’s are Cool” Yes, sure, whatever, wonderful. Meanwhile, you explain the origin of the gnomes, the secret revelation that humans are descended from vrykul, and overwhelming amounts of history about another world tree, bear gods, furbolgs, the Titans, and the Old Gods, but you drop a dinosaur in the middle of a dungeon for no other reason than you wanted to put a dinosaur in a dungeon. YEEEEEAAAARRRGGGHHHHWAAAWAWAAAAAAYYYAAYAA (<– This is the sound of a man tearing his own hair out at the sheer WTF-ness of this situation. Thank you.)
Give me SOMETHING to work with here, Blizz. The infinite dragonflight messing with the time stream drops a devilsaur in Northrend, Goblin scientists from Venture Bay have successfully cloned an ancient devilsaur but it got loose and trapped in Drak’Tharon Keep, you are working within the fantasy/sci-fi genres! You can just say whatever and we will find a way to work it in the continuity! Hell, Star Wars has been filling in plot holes for years with the thick paste that is the Expanded Universe and the fans buy it. Don’t just tell us it was NEAT. That’s Michael Bay territory.
Man, now I’m all depressed. I need to go write some fan fiction exploring the burning man-crush hidden behind the hate between Garrosh and Varian.
Where? Sunstrider Isle, Eversong Woods
This is probably one of the first weird things I can actually sitting at my desk and wondering about way back in the day. They were so iconic of the Blood Elf culture, yet the Sin’dorei seemed completely oblivious to them. It baffled me how you could run an entire society based on something and not know how it actually works… Ya know what. Forget I said that. I have no idea how anything more complicated than my toaster works.
Of course what I’m referring to is that giant green crystal that litter the landscape of Blood Elf territories. Regardless of their allegiance to Kael’Thas or the recent introduction of a holy light powered Sunwell, these massive crystals are still employed around the blood elf landscape, probably because blood elves have a terrible time noticing really really bad ideas (I think it’s genetic). The first this struck me as odd was during the first couple of quests a new blood elf will do in their starter area.
The general idea of the quests is pretty simply, the local wildlife (notably the mana wyrms, which are a creepy enough concept for me to stab them without hesitation. Aren’t they like giant wriggling mana mosquitoes?) have been acting quite strange. Well, anyone with a pair of eyes will notice that the mana wyrms are congregating around the giant green rocks. You know, the ones with burning red eyes floating in them? Yet somehow at no point does this raise a flag for anyone. No one ever says “Maybe it’s caused by our giant burning fel rocks!” Nope. Not once. Ever. So what is causing it? Oh, the scourge must be interfering with them. Yes. The not even present on the island scourge are responsible. By the light, blood elves tick me off.
So I kill the stupid wyrmsquitoes. What’s next on the chopping block? Oh, well, it looks like the cats that are wandering around the giant crystals are also acting weird. I don’t even know why you have giant jungle cats wandering around your academy campus anyway! Oh yes, these unobservant blood elves with all manner of wild beasties running amok aren’t just a bunch of fancy farmers, no sir, they are academics. Sunstrider Isle is the home of the Falthrien Academy and the surrounding buildings, including the Sunspire that houses all of the trainers, I can only assume are part of the campus.
But there’s good news, a glimpse of redemption to these blood elf smarties, it seems that the ‘Burning Crystals’ are actually the ones causing the problem! Oh good! You learned how to add one and one together. So what’s the plan? Destroy the crystals? Research alternative power sources that aren’t evil? How about that holy energy? I know it may take some work, but I think we can get Silvermoon to ‘Go Yellow’ with a clever ad campaign that demonizes those who rely on demonic energy. I mean, what are blood elves about if not looking down on others for any possible reason?
Wait… what? Oh. So the plan is to just kill the cats instead. Good plan. I can defintely see that working out magnificently in the long run. You know what, I don’t think the giant jungle cats are being affected by the ‘Burning Crystals’ at all. I think you want these dumb felines off of your well manicured campus lawn and you want me to do it. Lazy blood elf pricks. I still can’t believe that you are even using those fel rocks. At what point does that seem like a good idea?
Well, believe it or not, I’ve had people try to convince me that the crystals aren’t really demonic in nature. That they use arcane energy, not fel magic. This is not some blood elf NPC trying to swindle me into helping them because I might have some trepidations about working with a demon influenced employer. No, the people (yes, plural) who have tried to convince me of this are other players. Come on, people! There are giant glowing evil eyes floating inside the crystals. The leader of the blood elves is sucking demon juice and bottling it in Outland. By the end of the expansion, he’s not only actively working for one of the top demons – he’s got one of the little fel rocks stuck in his chest!
I am shocked that no one thinks that using these things was ever a bad idea. I know that your magic addiction sucks, and it is more or less go cold turkey or turn into a mana vampire. But downing shots of unfiltered demon dew (Extreme!) is not a solution. The fact that no one is concerned about it and that your first instinct is to destroy the evidence? This does not bode well for your society. Don’t do the dew, crack is whack, and just say no to green stuff the big kids tell you is magical.
Don’t believe me? Look at Grom Hellscream. Now look at Grom Hellscream’s kid. Do you see why you shouldn’t do fel magic now? Yea. Go back to sucking sunwell punch.