Hail to the Warchief
Well, it was an interesting election, I’ll say that much. We had almost 100 votes at the end of the night, and what a night of surprises and twists it was! Not really. Despite the outspoken support for Thrall over Garrosh amongst the fans or the lavish love of fans for the bodacious banshee, Sylvanas Windrunner, every single time one candidate pushed ahead, every other candidate scaled with them. After a month of the polls being open, the standings were surprisingly roughly the same as when they where at the end of day one. I don’t think the percentages ultimately changed that much, if at all. Though I was shocked, down right amazed, that Garrosh did manage to squeeze out a whole 8 votes. I was expecting Knaak to even beat him out. Who knew?
So who came out on top? Is it really that hard to guess? Well, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce your new warchief:
<Thank you! Thank you all. I am proud and honored to be called upon by the people to accept such a task. What stands in front of us is a momentous challenge and it will not be easy. The elemental invasion has left us trembling where we once stood our strongest: at home. Deathwing has turned this home sweet home into a desperate brew of sour, and when it comes to living out our lives in this new shattered world, no blend of sweet and sour shall satiate our palettes! Sadly, our children, mere nuggets of future potential,may have to go without the luxury of sauce for the moment.>
<However, through these trials and tribulations: we shall not boil over, we shall not dry out and wither, and despite what the Aspect of Death may wish to see – We shall not burn! Our crust may crack, but we have the strength to mend it. The fruits of our past labors may have been spoiled, but we have the discipline to grow more. We are the Horde, ladies and gentlemen. We do not cry in our milk, we do not fall like a bad souffle, we have the guts to take this humble pie and turn it into a cake worthy of a king!
<Speaking of kings, you should know that I have already begun works to assemble a cabinet to work with King Wrynn and the members of the Alliance to mix together the beginnings of a stew of peace. But whatever the fate of that stew, whether it becomes strong and flavorful or left alone to sour in our ice boxes – we shall make the effort again and again. Politics, like cooking, requires time and the patience to try over and over until you obtain success. Now I ask you, citizens of the Horde, CAN WE COOK IT?>
Well, thank you Warchief Campfire. That was a very motivational speech. We look forward to seeing what you do with all your endeavors! And there you have it, readers at home. The new warchief – Basic Campfire – as voted by you. Will he succeed? Will he fail? Will Garrosh just push him off the throne and take it himself because hey, it’s not like basic campfire has any means to fight back other burning him if touched. But honestly, how likely is that last one to happen? Ha ha ha…
EDITORS NOTE: Following the writing of this report after last night’s inauguration speech, Garrosh Hellscream stormed into the throne, threw Basic Campfire off the throne, murmured something about ‘Over his dead body’ and then something about Grom Hellscream, and then proceeded to sit on the throne himself. While technically it should be noted that there was a heavy scent of various liquors on Garrosh’s breath, he did successfully defeat the Warchief in combat, thus making him the new Warchief via a small loophole in the Horde’s charter called ‘The Metzen Clause’ which states that Horde politics are “subject to change on the spot regardless of how some idiot with a blog says they should work.”
When questioned about Garrosh’s drinking habits at the Orgrimmar Bar, local Gamon stated: “Dudes, it totally was NOT my idea. I would never suggest assassinating the warchief and taking the throne for yourself. I would never tell Garrosh about the Metzen Clause because of resentment over players who sit around killing me all day and night choosing the elect a bunch of logs as warchief. And I had no clue he was going to take me seriously about it.”
Well, I guess this mystery won’t be solved any time soon.