Welcome one and all to the Warchief election debates. Tonight will be watching the debate between two of the heavyweights of the debate square off in a verbal arena of mayhem that was only thought possible with the advent of cutting edge 3D imaging technology now brought to you not only in 2D but also in text form. Yes, we at OddCraft are just that good. Now allow me to introduce the distinguished candidates that will be participating in tonight’s debate. Weighing in at 375 pounds, the Nightmare from Nagrand, the Beast of Borean, GARROSH HELLSCREAM!
At the opposite podium, at 13 lbs, 16 if you include the ashes, the Titan of Temperature and current front-runner in the polls, please welcome: BASIC CAMPFIRE! Because Basic Campfire is a fire and not an actual living breathing person, we have invited the former majordomo of Ragnaros, Executus, to be our translator from firespeak to Orcish.
QUESTION: There has been a lot of conflict with the Alliance over the years, from Warsong Gulch to the Eye of the Storm. But the Northrend Campaign seems to have increased that conflict quite a bit with the Isle of Conquest, Strand of the Ancients, Wintergrasp Forest, Grizzly Hills and the incidents across Icecrown, what are your plans for decreasing the loss of Horde lives in these conflicts?
BASIC CAMPFIRE (Translated from Firespeak): <It is true that there has been a rising trend in conflict with the Alliance. And while some have contributed more to that trend than others, I would like to think that as a faction we are ready to move past these rotten ways and on to the fresh fruit of peace. After all, there is nothing that says the Alliance peanut butter and the Horde chocolate wouldn’t go together to make something great. Why, just take a look at the efforts in Outland!>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: Is everything just food to you?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Unlike some of us, Hellscream, I am not willing to wait and make jokes as this situation moves from a simmer of hostility to a boil of war without taking some action to reduce the heat.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: You would rather have us sacrifice our pride and honor to play nice with the Alliance. To what end? What reason have the Alliance ever given us to think that if we were to lay down arms that they would happily coexist with us. It would be back to the camps, back to slavery, and back to a life of nomadic wandering or mercenary work for many. I would rather die than see that sad fate fall upon this Horde. Wrynn has made it clear that there is no tolerance for the Horde coming from the Alliance, so the only sensible thing to do is to strike at them before they attack us. As warchief I would choose to expand our conflicts with the Alliance in order to protect more of the Horde’s territories and interests, especially in the Eastern Kingdom.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Fear mongering on the what ifs will not help anyone, Horde or Alliance, in the long run. In order to achieve peace, we must cover the cracked and hard crust of war with the sauce of honesty and the toppings of cooperation.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: Did you just compare war to a pizza?
QUESTION: The Horde has always seemed like an Orc-centric race, with the Blood Elves still entertaining ambassadors, the Forsaken now under watch of the Kor’kron guard, the Darkspear camping out inside of Orgrimmar and the Tauren being forced to accept goblin run zeppelins parking in Thunderbluff. What would you do to unify the Horde as a single force.
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: I find it insulting that you would interpret the actions of the orcs in such a way. While yes, it is a fact that the Horde was founded on orc principles and interests, we believe that our forces are only as strong as the weakest arm that wields a weapon. So we have sought to fortify the Horde’s position by ensuring that all of the Horde is connected in some fashion. Be it with ambassadors keeping an eye on Quel’thalas, the Kor’kron defending our closest capital to Alliance territory, or ensuring that the forces of Orgrimmar can come to the tauren’s assistance in a moments notice. The Horde is a single force, and we are stronger because of it, and it just happens that the orcs are the sword and shield of that single force, and we are stronger because of that as well.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <You would assume that might makes right in this situation, Garrosh. You lack an outside perspective of what those actions are doing to the other races of the Horde. In order to unite the Horde, we must coat our interactions with a thick layer of trust before we can even hope to build that strength. Because if we don’t all that strength will simply get us stuck and I assure, Garrosh, we will break apart if we try to force it. Strength alone cannot justify anything. Even your father knew that.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF MY FATHER, YOU PILE OF STICKS!
We would like to remind the candidates that this is a written transcript of the debate and not actual footage, so while I normally would be all for the types of ratings that throwing podiums would pull in, it doesn’t do us jack squat in text. So please, Mr. Hellscream, put down the podium.
QUESTION: There has been some concern for the Horde forces stationed in Outland, and now in Northrend with the conflict with the scourge coming to a close, what are your plans for bringing those brave soldiers of the Horde home?
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <There is no plan. One should not need a ‘plan’ or a ‘schedule’ to honor our brave soldiers and bring them back home to their families. You just do it. Those courageous souls have earned. After all, with Illidan’s forces wiped out, Kael’thas usurped and brought to justice and the naga’s plans halted, what else is there for the Horde to do in Outland? The same logic applies in Northrend. We accomplished what was needed and now it is time to let those weary souls rest with their loved ones back home. If there are any further conflicts, allow the local forces of the Shattered Sun address it. They are Outland’s own army now.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: By the spirits, you answered the whole thing without making a reference to food in any way.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I am capable of a great many things, thank you. After all, variety is the spice of life.>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: There it is. As for the question, I find it appalling that my opponent is so quick to demand that the orcs abandoned their homeland. We were born in Outland, we were raised in Outland, and I’ll be damned if I let her fall into the hands of whomever comes along next simply because the demons are gone and we want our warm fuzzy beds. I don’t know how my opponent sleeps, but there is nothing fuzzy about an orc bed, and there is no warmth in knowing that we abandoned our ancestry simply to pander for a few votes. The forces in Outland don’t need to come home, because they ARE home. As for Northrend, despite that pompous paladin’s assurance that the Lich King is dead, there has been no decrease in the number of scourge littering Icecrown, and you never take your eyes off an enemy just because you THINK you’ve bested them.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <Do you always solve everything at a sword’s edge?>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: I’d rather have a sword at my side than a ladle, Kindling.
BASIC CAMPFIRE: <I’d expect nothing less from the son of a man who…>
GARROSH HELLSCREAM: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MY FATHER?! DIE, YOU SON OF A LOG!
Ah! Gentlemen! Please! Stop! No! Not that! That’s expensive! Ooo… Well, I suppose that’s it for this debate. OW! Stop throwing things! …I’d like to thank Executus for translating tonight, and our sponsors at Demon Dew, Unleash the Demon in You. Tune in next week for a debate between Thrall and Lady Sylvanus Windrunner. DANGIT! THAT HURT! Okay, who threw that one? Basic Campfire? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE ARMS!