Rock Me, Asmodeus
Where? Sunstrider Isle, Eversong Woods
This is probably one of the first weird things I can actually sitting at my desk and wondering about way back in the day. They were so iconic of the Blood Elf culture, yet the Sin’dorei seemed completely oblivious to them. It baffled me how you could run an entire society based on something and not know how it actually works… Ya know what. Forget I said that. I have no idea how anything more complicated than my toaster works.
Of course what I’m referring to is that giant green crystal that litter the landscape of Blood Elf territories. Regardless of their allegiance to Kael’Thas or the recent introduction of a holy light powered Sunwell, these massive crystals are still employed around the blood elf landscape, probably because blood elves have a terrible time noticing really really bad ideas (I think it’s genetic). The first this struck me as odd was during the first couple of quests a new blood elf will do in their starter area.
The general idea of the quests is pretty simply, the local wildlife (notably the mana wyrms, which are a creepy enough concept for me to stab them without hesitation. Aren’t they like giant wriggling mana mosquitoes?) have been acting quite strange. Well, anyone with a pair of eyes will notice that the mana wyrms are congregating around the giant green rocks. You know, the ones with burning red eyes floating in them? Yet somehow at no point does this raise a flag for anyone. No one ever says “Maybe it’s caused by our giant burning fel rocks!” Nope. Not once. Ever. So what is causing it? Oh, the scourge must be interfering with them. Yes. The not even present on the island scourge are responsible. By the light, blood elves tick me off.
So I kill the stupid wyrmsquitoes. What’s next on the chopping block? Oh, well, it looks like the cats that are wandering around the giant crystals are also acting weird. I don’t even know why you have giant jungle cats wandering around your academy campus anyway! Oh yes, these unobservant blood elves with all manner of wild beasties running amok aren’t just a bunch of fancy farmers, no sir, they are academics. Sunstrider Isle is the home of the Falthrien Academy and the surrounding buildings, including the Sunspire that houses all of the trainers, I can only assume are part of the campus.
But there’s good news, a glimpse of redemption to these blood elf smarties, it seems that the ‘Burning Crystals’ are actually the ones causing the problem! Oh good! You learned how to add one and one together. So what’s the plan? Destroy the crystals? Research alternative power sources that aren’t evil? How about that holy energy? I know it may take some work, but I think we can get Silvermoon to ‘Go Yellow’ with a clever ad campaign that demonizes those who rely on demonic energy. I mean, what are blood elves about if not looking down on others for any possible reason?
Wait… what? Oh. So the plan is to just kill the cats instead. Good plan. I can defintely see that working out magnificently in the long run. You know what, I don’t think the giant jungle cats are being affected by the ‘Burning Crystals’ at all. I think you want these dumb felines off of your well manicured campus lawn and you want me to do it. Lazy blood elf pricks. I still can’t believe that you are even using those fel rocks. At what point does that seem like a good idea?
Well, believe it or not, I’ve had people try to convince me that the crystals aren’t really demonic in nature. That they use arcane energy, not fel magic. This is not some blood elf NPC trying to swindle me into helping them because I might have some trepidations about working with a demon influenced employer. No, the people (yes, plural) who have tried to convince me of this are other players. Come on, people! There are giant glowing evil eyes floating inside the crystals. The leader of the blood elves is sucking demon juice and bottling it in Outland. By the end of the expansion, he’s not only actively working for one of the top demons – he’s got one of the little fel rocks stuck in his chest!
I am shocked that no one thinks that using these things was ever a bad idea. I know that your magic addiction sucks, and it is more or less go cold turkey or turn into a mana vampire. But downing shots of unfiltered demon dew (Extreme!) is not a solution. The fact that no one is concerned about it and that your first instinct is to destroy the evidence? This does not bode well for your society. Don’t do the dew, crack is whack, and just say no to green stuff the big kids tell you is magical.
Don’t believe me? Look at Grom Hellscream. Now look at Grom Hellscream’s kid. Do you see why you shouldn’t do fel magic now? Yea. Go back to sucking sunwell punch.